Freedom

January 15 -- I am reading a book called Freedom by this author who is being hailed as the next amazing American writer but in a moment of early onset Alzheimer's, I can't remember his name.  Ha.  So there Mr. Next Great American Writer.  Your blonde-at-birth but now highlighted blonde fan can't even remember your name.  (Franzen -- it just came to me as I was typing this. )  sigh.

Anyway, there is this part in the book where Patty, one of the main characters in the story, talks about potentially slipping into a depression because she doesn't know what to do -- have an affair with her husband's best friend, or not.  She says she knows she should go back to school or get a job but she wants to have free weeks to go the lakehouse, and she wants those long weekends to go visit her kids at college on Parent Weekend, and she wants to work in the garden and have the luxury of deciding each day what she is going to do.  So she doesn't get a job because she likes her freedom.

I know exactly what she is talking about.  Exactly.  I keep hearing this little voice these days and it says -- you will be so happy with a full-time job!  But I love my Monday morning yoga class!  I love spending hot summer days at the lake with the kids.  Walking the dog by the river in the morning.  Going away for two weeks straight to the Outer Banks!  Like Patty, I like my freedom.  But honestly?  I think too much freedom can be harmful.  Too many choices and inevitably, no choice is made.

Today I mentioned to Connor that I would love to try out for HGTV's Design Star.  Having worked part-time as a decorator, I know I could put together a fairly (note  the word "fairly") decent video exhibiting my work.  At first he was like, "Yeah!  Cool! Let's do it!"  And then he was quiet.  Finally, he looked over at me and said, "You know what?  You have an awful lot of ideas, Mom."  And I nodded in agreement.  He's right.  But none of these various ideas are like, out of the world, you know? Couldn't I just find a job where I could sell tea and scones and have a wireless hangout for teens and whomever wanted to find temporary solace, with a room in the back for teaching yoga, creative writing, whathaveyou, and time to do decorating consults as well? Maybe online?   Couldn't that all happen?  Teaching, Decorator, SafeHaven...there has to be money in something like that right?  (With time to go to the lake, of course.)

Ughh. Too much freedom  -- the price of being an American eh?!  Hmmmmm.