The Parent Portal

Day 11 -- 1/11/11 - Ha.

Okay, so I am completely ticked off at my two older sons right now.  Why?  Because of the marvel of modern technology and the innovative parent tool known (at least in our town) as the parent portal.  Intellectually, I suppose it is named that because it is a portal of sorts where parents can enter the school via the web and check their children's grades.

On one hand, I can see its usefulness.  It has given us many moments of enlightenment about how the kids' grades are slipping in time to alert them so they can turn their grade around.  On the other hand, it's often a case of too much information.  Battles always ensue largely because I am weary.  Why is it my responsibility to check it?  Yes.  I can hear the voice which says, "don't check it!  Let them learn!" Yeah, that's a great logic.  But it's very, very hard not to go on that portal.  And I rarely go on.  Maybe once every couple of weeks.  More often if a kid is in the "grade danger zone."  The Parent Portal was designed as a parenting tool.  So maybe it should be re-named because I truly don't think my teenage sons can figure out how it could help them.    It's not a boy thing -- I do know other boys who check their grades.  I am not saying to do it as often as you brush your teeth but the occasional viewing would be a great way to develop responsible, independent behavior.

So what do I do?  Set a day of the week where they have to check their grades and then report back to me before I serve them dinner?  Well.  It's a thought anyway.  Again.  I just think of my years in high school.  My parents never had to work this hard.  They knew nothing and I was entirely responsible for watching my grades.  Granted, I was a good student but still.  I knew I was in trouble if I came home with a "C" and so I did my best so that it never happened.

But what annoys me the most about this Parent Portal are the stupid conversations I always end up having with my kids after I  check their grades.

Me:  Luke, I thought you were going to try to get your grade up in English?

Luke:  Yeah.

Me:  So what is with this "F"?  It's a zero!  That is not a reassuring sign showing us you are trying in class so that you can bring up your grade.  (Next to the zero it says "class" indicating it was an assignment done in class um, based on the entry date, less than a week ago.)

Luke:  I don't know what that is.  I can get it changed.

Me:  Really?  Shut UP!  Cuz that's just amazing that you can screw up a class assignment so badly that you get a ZERO and like, all you have to do is talk to your teacher and she will change it??!  Wow.  That's like, a miracle!   (I am really sad that it doesn't work like that in the office.  "Sorry boss, I guess I lost that account.  I don't know how it happened.  Um...maybe if I go to the higher ups and like, just talk to them, everything will be okay and we will make more money -- like poof! you know? -- and I won't get fired."  Hmmmm... Now there's a strategy to try out someday.)

Luke:  I can talk to her!   I'm sure she has it.

Me:  So what was the assignment?

Luke:  I don't know.

Me:  You don't know the assignment;  you can't even remember it.  And yet somehow, you believe that you can get this grade changed?!

(As we are having this silly argument, I am thinking, what if I never pointed it out to him?  He would never have seen it to have the alleged conversation with his teacher before the grades close.)

And so the conversation goes, round and round until he stalks out of the room.  I hate it.  I really do. Because if it is an entry error, then we have just expended negative energy for nothing.  Or... if it is an accurate entry, I am still in a negative state of mind because I am so disappointed that my son isn't living up to his promises.  Normal teenage stuff but exhausting and maddening nonetheless.

 It's a conundrum.  Is it better to have these conversations during the marking period or is it better to get hit with the grades at report card time?  I guess I favor having the information in time to set up situations where the kids can improve their grades.  (Or feel good about their high ones!)  My frustration as a parent is that I can't seem to teach my boys how to use this Parent Portal as a tool for their own personal development and success.   And that makes me really frustrated.  Especially with my oldest heading off to college next fall.    Deep down, I think he will figure it out.  I just have to brace for some bumps along the way.  (And I dread the bumps.)

Time to re-think this Parent Portal business.  And put more of the checking responsibilities onto the boys' laps.  With all the chocolate and cookies I've been eating, my lap is getting heavy enough.