February 19 -- A few weeks ago there was an episode on Modern Family where the kids, in an attempt to surprise their parents on their wedding anniversary, walk in on them in the ummmm, heat of marital passion. The show was totally hysterical as it documented the parents effort to recover from their embarrassment and deal with the situation. The three kids confront their own embarrassment and discomfort. All in all, it was a very funny episode. My husband and I watched it with our three teens, Tessa, at 13, being the youngest.
She laughed a lot. I kept looking over at her but she seemed fine and well, I just assumed she got the overall message. It's totally weird for a kid (even if you are in your 40's!) to consider that one's parents 'do the dirty.' So I was really, really surprised today when, during a conversation about female menses, she suddenly looked at me, horrified. "Why do you need to think about birth control?" she asked. I didn't know what to say. I was like, uhhhh, I am in my late 40's and can barely remember my four kids' names? Must I add another? I truly didn't know why she was looking at me with her blue eyes widened in horror.
"Do you and Daddy...do you guys... you don't...oh my God!!" she sputtered.
In shock, I realized what she was asking me. I burst out laughing. "What do you think?" I asked. I knew the answer. Parents only have sex when they want to procreate. And of course it happens the first time they try. So basically, in my daughter's mind, even though I thought she understood the basic premise of the Modern Family episode, clearly, she didn't. Apparently, her theory was that if someone is married for 28 years and has three children, that means they had intercourse three times. That's it. Three times. In 28 years. Yup. I know the theory well. I went through that with my own parents. When I told Tessa, very gently, that sex is part of a healthy marriage, I added that her grandparents -- my parents -- clearly participated in that particular marriage perk. She gasped. "Do they still do it?" she asked quietly, her voice shaking. I shrugged my shoulders. " I don't know. I don't ask," I said. "But what about Opa? Does he know how?" I thought about her question for a few seconds before I answered. My first reaction was to laugh. Does he know how – what a funny question. Men are wired to know how to do it in their sleep for goodness sake. But I knew what she meant. My dad has Alzheimer's. What happens there? Do they forget about sex?
"Tessa," I answered. "I honestly have no idea. And like you, I don't particularly like to think about my parents engaging in such a personal act. As for the Alzheimer's, I don't know. But I do know that as my father becomes more and more forgetful, there is one thing that still rings loud and clear. He and my mother are unbelievably still madly in love with each other. Active sex life or not."
As far as I am concerned, as uncomfortable (and amusing) as the conversation was, that was one of my highs of the day. Thinking about my parents who, after 62 years of marriage, are still hot for each other – in ways that, in my mere 23 years of marriage, I can only guess about. (Although, like my daughter, I try not to get to specific about those thoughts. And rightly so. It's bizarre! Parents having sex? That's like, totally crazy! :)
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