Tabasco Sauce and Cold Showers?...Hmmmm.

February 2 -- I just read an interesting article on msn.com about a Dr. Phil show where a woman showed a video of her discipline technique --  she poured Tabasco sauce into her son's mouth and then put him in a cold shower.  I guess she was arrested for child abuse the next day.

The article I read was a blog written by a father who completely disagreed with the woman's discipline effort.  He talked about how just the other day one of his twin sons whacked him in the leg with a plastic golf club.  The father was angry but held back from physically spanking his son.  He put him in a time out instead.  Here is my response -- clearly, the kid was little.  Talk to me when he hits his teen years and he mouths back at his dad, maybe even shoves him.   It happens.  Good kids lose their self control just as easily as "bad" kids do.   I would seriously like to watch while this dad puts his 16 year old into the time out corner.    Teenagers are a very special breed.  Just as you are patting yourself on your parental back for raising a kid who, say, puts down the toilet seat after he pees, there you are in the middle of the night, falling into the toilet bowl.  Raising teens is a like riding a roller coaster where all the rules get thrown out of the cart.  But if you can keep your wits about you and not try too hard to please them and coddle their self-esteem by trying to be their friend, their hormones will eventually settle down and their brains will become clear again.  And, God willing, they will remember and appreciate the rules you have taught them nearly every day of their entire life.   At least this is what I have been told anyway.

As for the woman on Dr. Phil, I am like whoaaaaa.  It's one thing to lose it with your kid and go nuts.  I totally understand that.  But to videotape it?  Really?  How fake is that?  Am I the only person in the world who thinks the mother staged that scene just so she could get on the Dr. Phil show?  I mean here is the deal.  You snap at your kid, and smack him one.  Nine point nine times out of 10 it's completely impulsive.  You are so enraged, it's all you can do at the moment to stop the garbage coming out your kid's mouth, kind of like slapping a hysterical person to shock them out of their craziness.  But think about this alleged discipline scene.  The kid misbehaves.  The mother stops, goes to get the video camera out, sets it up on a tripod and hits "play"after maneuvering the lens to make sure she and the kid are both in the shot. Then she gets the Tabasco sauce out, pours it into her child's mouth, then moves the camera and the kid to the bathroom, puts on the shower and shoves the kid into the shower...that all takes a real lot of time and extra effort.  Plenty of time to come to your senses.  Unless you are just demented.  In which case, I guess she deserves to be on Dr. Phil.  And get arrested.  More for stupidity than abuse.  Again, I am nearly convinced the kid was part of the act.    (I did not see the actual video.  Maybe she asked someone to film her.  Again, more proof that it was staged.)

While there is a definite topic here -- doing weird and repulsive things to get onto tv -- what seems to be catching everyone's judgmental eye is the concept of physical discipline.

 I was spanked as a kid.  Not a lot, but if I talked back to my mother (and I did) she would smack me one across the mouth.  And usually, I thought to myself, whoaa girl,  why can you just keep your mouth shut!   You deserved that one!  I remember once when I was in high school and I was on the phone with my bff, Shelly.  She wouldn't stop talking and my mother kept screaming at me to get off of the phone and come to dinner.  She came after me with this huge silver serving spoon and started to whack me over the head.  I hung up on Shelly while she was in mid-sentence.  When Shelly yelled at me the next day for hanging up on her, I showed her the lumps.  And I never stayed on the phone when my mother told me to get off again.

Although I don't smack my kids over the head with a spoon, I have been known to put a dab of soap on their tongues when they were little and talked back.  And the one who told me "it tasted good," definitely got more soap.  I feel like it is my responsibility to society to raise kids who can function on their own in the world by being kind and respectful to others.  Like a lioness who will do whatever she has to do to teach her cubs how to obey, I am fierce about instilling the habit of respecting others.  There is a reason why kids do stupid things.  It's the same reason why they aren't allowed to drive cars or light candles when they are five years old.  They are learning.  And they are immature.   Just like we were immature and did stupid things we shouldn't have done.  Our levels of self-control totally sucked.  The parents who are afraid of disciplining their immature and impetuous kids are the ones who really scare me.  I just don't get it.  I mean, that's a huge part of our job as parents, isn't it?

Over 20 years ago, my husband's friend Peter was shot in the back and killed during a dispute with another young man.  The guy who shot him was a short kid who allegedly didn't feel 'confident about himself.'  Peter was a tough guy who didn't put up with anyone's backtalk.  The kid was drunk, and after a minor argument ensued about a drink spilling in the bar, he followed Peter outside. When Peter turned to walk away, he pulled out a gun and shot Peter right there on the sidewalk.  He was caught but his wealthy parents allegedly helped him escape the charges by sneaking him out of the country.  He just got caught again.  He was living in Mexico.  Maybe now,  finally, he can be disciplined ... now that he is what, 47 years old?!  Now those are parents who should be arrested for child abuse.  And murder.  Right along with their son.  Who knows?  Maybe they can all go on the Dr. Phil Show.