This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

February 9 --  Continuing the theme of parental discipline, when I was a kid, one of the things my mother used to always say while she was disciplining me for some transgression or another was, "this hurts me more than it hurts you."  I remember always thinking, "yeah, right."

As a parent today, I truly do understand what she was trying to say.  It's not so much that disciplining our kids hurts us more, it's just really, really inconvenient because yes, it is emotionally taxing.  In addition, watching your child sob in misery because you took away some privilege or another goes entirely against the parenting dream.  You know the one.  It's the daydream where the kids are all googley-eyed with love and respect for their moms and dads.

Misbehavior always comes at the most inconvenient time, doesn't it?  Let's say you are having an evening with familial joy.  And then someone upsets the apple cart and all hell breaks loose.  You're like, really?  Do we really need to deal with this right now?!   That's pretty much what happened tonight anyway.  I was making a lovely dinner with chicken sauteed with asparagus, sun dried tomatoes, artichokes and a white wine reduction sauce and that's when the boys decided to tell on their sister.  I don't think they had any idea what horrible can of discipline they were kicking her way;  somehow they knew what she was doing was wrong but their message was the straw that broke the camel's back.  When Brian and I heard this latest transgression, it wasn't so much what she did, it was everything added up.  Normal, normal, normal child rearing stuff.  But suddenly, the night went from Norman Rockwell to Poltergeist.  Everyone screaming, and the 'rents having to lay down the law.

I know this sounds lame, but it really sucked.  I mean we were just not in the mood for playing the role of the strict parents.  So much going on lately with the house, the taxes, jobs, you name it.  We just didn't need this drama as well.  It would have been so easy to make light of it.  But we didn't, because it is part of a bigger trend that we find quite disturbing. Our daughter (and to some degree, the boys are too) is addicted to screens -- tv, computer, ipod -- everything.  And based on the behavior she is exhibiting, she is so out of balance she has lost the ability to decipher what is a good decision and what is a bad one.

I know that when my kids grow up and have children of their own, there will be "new" things that they have to deal with that we parents never did.  But for now?  This whole internet, cell phone, texting, wii, stupid tv show obsession is really, really hard to monitor.  I feel like I have no control and that all of my discipline decisions are off.  But I know one thing.  Lying is wrong.  And no matter how "techy" these kids are getting, no matter how many expensive internet accessible toys they have, it all comes down to one thing -- follow the rules and treat others with respect by telling the truth.  Or face the consequences.

Amen.