Creating a Witch Hunt

November 30 --We spent the day today at our high school jumping through scheduling hoops to make sure the Names Can Really Hurt Us campaign was carried out for the junior and sophomore classes.  All day long the kids were not in their regularly scheduled classes so that they could hear about the "art" of bullying, testimonials about being bullied and apologies from kids who bullied others.  It was quite emotional and very, very long.  Half of the kids who stood up and spoke did so because they just wanted to be up in front of a captive audience.

Overall, I thought it was really sad.  It was sad hearing the stories.  It was equally sad hearing the kids make up things to talk about, to overdramatize their life experiences to project themselves as the ultimate victims.  One kid stood up and said, "So...I am Jewish.  And um.... uh....yeah."  He then went on to offer his support to anyone who needed it.  But I kept coming back to his opening comment.  What was he doing?  What was he trying to accuse people of doing?  Is it bad to call someone Jewish?  Is it a bad thing to be Jewish?  I have no idea ...

So I was thinking that what we did today was create a modern day witch hunt.  The kids are soooo jazzed about bullies and allies and perpetrators  (the lingo was hammered into them),  I truly feel that if I walked down the hallway and uttered the word "gay" I would be reported to the anti-bullying police.  It's the Salem witch trials all over again with the kids pointing their accusatory fingers at each other.   What bothers me is that I feel like the kids are missing out on a lot of great curriculum that we are prepared to share with them.  Instead of training in reading and writing and math and science,  they are getting hours of  training about stuff they already know.  When the day is done, I believe that teaching kids how to be nice is a parent's responsibility.  Of course the teachers should enforce it.  But the primary morality instructor should be the parent.   Parents who don't teach their kids to be nice and respectful are losers and they shouldn't be parents in the first place.  Ahhhhhh.  I better be careful.  I sound like a bully.

Luke's Email...

November 29 -- Luke (who was in a LOT of trouble on Sunday) sent me an email apology today.  I have to say that it was beautifully written.  It seriously brought tears to my eyes.  I am still upset with him and sad about what he did but I totally forgive him.  How could I not?  His words were heartfelt and sweet.  And right on the money.  He took total ownership for his transgression.   Since he left home for college, Luke's emails and his birthday cards have been unbelievably eloquent.  At long last, he has become a writer.

Here is a confession of my own.  When I read it, I seriously wondered if he hadn't hired someone to write it for him.  And was it bullshit?  Was he totally sweet talking me?  Ahhhhhh.  Maybe?  Or maybe not.  who knows?  I guess, truth be known, I really don't care. When I read his words,  I was grateful.   Time to move on.  From my perspective, that's what forgiveness (and parenting) is all about.

So... I guess this means I have to add him back to the shopping list and start thinking about what to get him for Christmas.  Sigh.

Crazy Schedules & Fire Drills

November 28 -- Work is unbelievably stressful right now but not for the obvious reasons normally connected with teaching.  Not because the kids are getting wired for the holiday season and aren't doing their homework.  Not because I have lots and lots of prep work...and then there is the correcting.  No.  It's because the administrators keep popping these feel good assemblies into the schedule along with various other "pride" inspiring meetings that disrupt the schedule and create chaos.  Truly.  Every week there is one if not two major disruptions to the schedule.  And of course, don't forget all of the fire drills.  Apparently we are required to have ten of them in a school year.  Ten?!!  When we were growing up, we had maybe three.  Enough to learn the drill.  But ten?   I am 99% positive that parents do not realize that their kids' school schedules are disrupted ten times per year for fire drills.  I am curious what they would think if they did.  I know that as a parent, I think ten is way over the top.  But I am a teacher for goodness sake.  I believe the kids should be in the classroom as much as possible.  God forbid they should be there long enough to actually learn something.

Although... I guess it could be argued that they probably have mastered the art of the fire drill.  By the time they get through public school (not counting kindergarten) ...that's 120 fire drills.  Wow.

Mad at the Blog Site

November 27 --   I spent all day working, literally from the time I got up until now at 9:30pm.  I realize it's a blessing to have a job but I was exhausted from all the Thanksgiving stuff and dealing with Luke today and his bad timing with a really bad adolescent decision.  I was like, really Luke?  This had to come out today?!!    I wasn't in the mood to be a parent.  I needed to focus on schoolwork for God's sake.  I had a stomach ache all day and I couldn't stop crying.  I just miss my Sundays to get stuff done and maybe...do nothing.

Yes, I get that once this year is over, next year will be easier -- at least I will have the experience under my belt and I will know (to a degree) what to expect.  But I am just cranky and I don't like the holidays.  Bah humbug.

To add to the humbugness...I just typed a fairly long entry and then all of a sudden - whap!!! -- it disappeared and was replaced by a new Safari page with a stupid pop-up ad on it.  And I had to type something all over again.  Not diggin' that at all.

So I am mad at the blog tonight.  And done with writing.  For now.

Christmas Season Blues

November 26 -- First of all, it occurred to me that I have no clue what the date is anymore.  Today I was at the store and I peaked at the receipt to find out the date.  I was shocked to discover that it was the 26th because I vaguely remembered typing "November 27th" on my entry last night.  Time is going by quickly enough as it is, I don't need to be rushing things.

Today (and yesterday) I went out with hopes of getting a jump on Christmas shopping.  I discovered that I genuinely DISLIKE holiday shopping.  Now that the kids are older, they ask for very expensive gifts and because I like them to have more than one item to open, I find myself spending even more money!  This is RIDICULOUS!!!   I snapped majorly at Tessa today when she put her finger on a picture of Uggs and when I told her that I would not buy her the lighter pair, she said, "ohhh, if that's that case, I only want the grey ones."   I freaked.  Two weeks ago, we were at Costco and she was trying on "fake Uggs" and when she tried on the chestnut brown ones, we both agreed they looked good.  So that night, I went home and researched UGgs on line and found a knock-off (from China) that was half price and I snatched up a pair.  They arrived last week.   So when she made that comment, I looked at her and said, "what about the chestnut color?!"and I pointed my finger at the color I had already purchased.  She looked at me as though she just smelled something which was rotting.  I flipped!  I mean, there was no way I was returning the damn boots to Lord knows what company sold them to me in the first place (sometimes those websites are kind of sketchy...I usually just hold my breath and go for it if I feel I am getting a good deal!)

I can't get ahead.  I just can't.  As for Tessa, she is getting what she gets.  If she doesn't want them -- she can just donate them to charity.  I really don't care.  Like I said, I definitely have the Christmas blues.  I literally get stomach aches when I think about shopping.  Working full time doesn't help but even then, I can't stand it!!

High School Reunion -- Yechhh for Sure!

November 27 -- So I dragged myself to my high school reunion tonight.  I am not even admitting to myself how many years it has been since I graduated but suffice it to say that there were  a lot of class photos with people with big hair and large round eyeglasses.

The event was okayyyyyy.  Everyone looked good;  the people I recognized anyway.  There were a few tummy tucks and lip jobs and definitely some boob jobs and one guy grew a foot I swear.  He was the surprise of the night -- skinny in high school, he had filled out and was well over six feet tall.  He looked like he should have been the captain of a yacht or something.  wow.

I could have easily left after a  couple of hours but I "hung on" largely because my Fab 5 members were there and I knew they would dump on me if I left early.  But I drew the line at going out for beers afterward.  No way.  I really hope there are no more reunions for us...I don't think I could bear it.  It's nice, but unbelievably exhausting.

Happy Thanksgiving

November 24 -- Thanksgiving '11 was nice.  It's late, I just drove my parents home, the dinner was great and I am ready for bed.  The kids ran a great race this morning with Brian -- Luke had an amazing run and almost broke 30 minutes.  That's an awesome time for a 4.7 mile race.  And he told me he was slower -- mr college boy who did not tell me the truth!  While Brian and the kids ran the race, Riley and I worked on getting the dinner ready and then we went for a nice long walk by the river with Lily.  It was great to hang out with him;  I feel like I never get one on one time with my kids anymore and i do miss it.

And now, on to tomorrow and my high school reunion.  yechhhh.

Connor Gets HIs Learner's Permit

November 23 -- I don't even know what the date is today;  I have lost track of time.  Truly.  I swear it was just yesterday that Connor celebrated his first Thanksgiving as a six week old baby.  What a cutie he was with his dark uni-brow and deep blue eyes.   I will never forget how we hosted Thanksgiving that year but for some reason, the only people who could come were my mom and dad.  And after they had gone home, and the dishes were washed and put away, we put Luke to bed and I sat down in my comfy nursing chair and fed Connor.  He was a doll, resting quietly in my arms, starting to doze off...and then he turned his head and spit up all over me and the chair.  I remember sitting there for a moment in shock -- it was the first time he had ever spit up -- and I was just amazed at the sheer volume of fluid which came out of that little body.

So that was then and now...today, he got his learner's permit to drive.  Came close to not making it...but somehow he squeaked through with the right number correct on the exam.  Another milestone in his, and our lives.  I know everyone says this but geez, it all just goes by so quickly.

Really Late and Really Tired

November 22 -- I realize I say this a lot but I tend to write this blog late at night before I go to bed.  And yeah, it is really late (the clock on this blog is not accurate -- as I type this it is 11pm) and I am sooooooo tired!   Last night Luke had friends over for a bonfire and they were so loud I couldn't fall asleep till they all left at midnight.  Ughhh.  (Because I was up and at 'em by 5:30am.

A half day of school tomorrow and then off to get Connor his permit.  ohh lala.  can't wait...not.

Getting Ready for Thanksgiving

November 21 -- Today...after I got home from work and after Brian finally got home, we took off for Costco to get things for Thanksgiving dinner. As I picked cheeses and dips and crackers and pies for the meal, I noticed that I was becoming increasingly anxious.  First of all, it's a ton of food, as always.  But as I was heading up and down the aisles, I could feel the beginning twitch of the hostess stomach ache, the one you get when you start assessing the mental list in your head, the horribly long list of all of the things that have to be done between now and Thursday afternoon when all of the dinner guests arrive.

Faced with a full time job for the first time in years, I was quietly panicking about not having enough time to get everything done.

I am well aware that those fears are total hogwash.  I will get it done.  It's just that I will be up later or will cut a few things off of the menu or my house won't be as clean or maybe I will do one or two less vases of fresh flowers.  Really?  The idea of this holiday is to celebrate with family to be with friends and loved ones and to truly appreciate whatever joy we can find in our lives -- even when things seem most bleak.

I will never forget the Thanksgiving we had when Brianna was in the hospital.  I took Luke to the road race to watch Brian run.  After the race, we lost Brian.  I couldn't find him anywhere and Luke, who was only 18 months old, started to cry.  And I started to cry.  And finally, one of Brian's rugby friends came over and took me by the arm and showed me where Brian was hanging out with his friends -- looking for me.  I was so grateful for his kindness, I will never forget it.

Later that afternoon, with Luke napping at my sister's, Brian and I went to the hospital and held our little baby girl.  Brian hung his race number on her isolette;  it was  huge next to the tiny sign which told everyone her name and birth date.  Holding her that Thanksgiving day was a miracle -- we only got to hold her three times before she died.  I can still feel her tiny, tiny body against my chest, her heart beating against mine.  And even though I was so sad, so envious of all of my friends who had healthy full-term babies, I accepted that moment as my Thanksgiving gift.  My moment of love with my little girl.  And later on that evening while we sat at the Thanksgiving dinner table at my sister's home, surrounded by our family, I shared the wonderful experience of holding Brianna and in that moment, I was truly the happiest mom in the world.

She died in my arms only four weeks later.

When I think about how we got through that Thanksgiving...and the year(s) that followed...I know that what helped us get through the sadness of Brianna's death was looking grief in the face, accepting it as part of life, embracing the love which surrounded us and moving on...one day at a time.

So when I consider the challenge of this Thanksgiving?  Working full time and organizing a family meal?  It's a joy.  An absolute joy.  haha.  Bring it on.

Sat and Sunday Entry

November 19 & 20 -- I was not anywhere near a computer last night and by the time we got into our hotel room, it was wayyyy past midnight so I have to do a combo entry for today.   Not much of an entry though because I am really exhausted (it's nearly 11pm) and...based on how late I went to bed last night and how early I have to get up tomorrow morning to go to work, I don't want to expound on any bizarre subject (and there are many right now!) in this blog.  Suffice it to say we had an amazing time at my sister in law's gala for her organization helping people of all ages with special needs.

It was truly inspirational evening which exemplified, yet again, how much people can accomplish when they are passionate about their goals.

Speaking of being passionate about goals -- I am meeting with my boss tomorrow to discuss the pre-observation sheet I just labored over for the last hour.  I am being observed formally on Tuesday -- first time this year.  My greatest fear is that the kids will be duds but...knowing that class...I think they will be fine.  I pray they will anyway!  I absolutely love the lesson/poem I am doing with them!!!  (that helps I think!!)

Luke Comes Home for THanksgiving

November 18 -- We went out tonight and picked up Luke for Thanksgiving break.  Lucky them, they get the whole week off.  I am jealous for sure!  When he came out to the car it was like he hadn't aged at all.  Not physically anyway.  He just looks so young!  (Gets that from his dad but then...midlife...the age thing catches up.  I'm just sayin'!)

One of Luke's friends caught a ride home with us.  He was really nice and when we talked about school he told us he was a little bit of genius.  Huh?!!!  He said it so casually I thought I didn't hear him right.  But then he went on to talk about how both of his parents have genius minds.  And how his sister is in medical school.  His mom, apparently, is a general practitioner.  His dad is a computer programmer.  I didn't really know what to say so I just turned back around and stared at the road ahead for awhile.  Alas, my kids don't have genius parents.   Sigh.

But...we love 'em and I guess, no, I know that is what is most important.  We can't all be geniuses in this world.  A few of us have to make up the middle part.    I don't know.  Sounds good to me.   I'm too tired to be a genius anyway.

More Conferences

November 17 -- I am so sick of all the assemblies and invasive items (like our new self-esteem PRide Time program ) which takes away class time.  Today it was the Veterans Day assembly (re-scheduled because of the storm) which made our class time tiny, tiny, tiny.  I am getting nothing done in my classes!  And then after school I went to go watch the student play (some of my students were wonderful!!) and then I brought Riley home from Lego Robotics (He and I are luvin it -- so cool and challenging!!!) and had a two minute peanut butter and honey sandwich while I simultaneously had to TRY and make my kids feel better about their fave cousins not coming for Thanksgiving (I cried on my way back to the high school) and then it was back to the classroom for nearly three hours of conferences.  (I fit extra people before conferences started and afterward.)

But when I was done -- I felt great.  These kids -- overall -- are awesome.  I think their parents are too.  I hope they got good information about their sons and daughters -- I never know if I am telling them the right stuff.  (Having been on the other end, I am highly critical of what I say!)

But now, conferences are done, thank God!   Tomorrow is Friday and then we go to pick up Luke -- hooray.  But now we have to think about what to do over Thanksgiving break.  We are so used to the high we get from the family being here, we feel lost and forlorn, like having a space made by a wide gaping tooth that has fallen out and is not growing back.  I realize that sounds melodramatic, but the way I feel right now -- exhausted -- I get to be melodramatic.

Tired...

November 16 --  I know this entry is boring but my life certainly isn't.  Long day at work, correcting and planning...and then Riley's conferences and tomorrow, conferences for my students.  I am exhausted.   I've got nothing.

Taking TV for Granted

 November 15 -- I am not a big television fan.  Sometimes, when I hear the kids listening to a show in the other room I just cringe.  But I am thinking about something my mom told me tonight when I called her to see how she and my dad were doing.

She told me that something was wrong with her tv and it wasn't working.  She wasn't sure if my dad touched something but she talked to the cable company yesterday and again today when they called to re-schedule the repair appointment.  My mother doesn't watch a lot of tv but my father does.  At night, when the dishes are washed, he goes downstairs to watch tv and my mother spends some time by herself reading...until he calls her down to watch a movie or whatever is on that evening.  Without television, my mother has basically nothing to entertain my dad with.  His Alzheimer's has left him with minimal capacity to read.  So unless she sings songs with him or plays a very basic card game, there isn't a whole lot she can do with him to give herself a break.

After I hung up the phone I sat still for a few minutes and absorbed the ramifications of a simple television breakdown for a woman caring for her husband whose only form of entertainment is watching movies.  It was kind of wild to think of how much that simple piece of technology does for my mother and dad.  For her sake, I hope it gets fixed tomorrow.

I am NOT a Doormat

November 14 -- Yesterday I was practically in tears while I was doing my lesson plans.  Long story short, I had a bunch of seniors skip class last Thursday because it became an impromptu senior skip day  when the superintendent, in his infinite wisdom, changed the day from a scheduled day off to a school day to make up one of the six snow days we incurred during the recent snow storm.  But, even though he was changing a vacation day to a school day, he told parents that if kids missed school (presuming there might be pre-scheduled vacations since the day was originally scheduled as a day off) they would not be penalized.  So our industrious teens decided it was a perfect day to play hookey.  Why not? -- they wouldn't be penalized!  Ugghhh..

 I had only  half of my Great Books, Great Films students -- seniors --in class on Thursday with a paper due.    So I was really upset planning today's lesson because I KNEW those kids who missed last week's class would not have their papers today.  I knew that they would breach our contract, would assume I would let them hand it in tomorrow.  Except I didn't.  I had already moved their deadline from last Tuesday to Thursday.  (I don't think they were thinking about a skip day when they begged me to move the deadline the first time.  And, listening to their pleas about downed wires and broken internet connections, I consented to move the due date to Thursday.)  But today was MOnday.  Lots of time for them to finish their papers.

And when they came to class.  All SEVEN kids did not have their papers.  I was so sad.  I know they thought I would change my mind...

Bud I didn't.  I told them that I was many things -- positive and negative -- but one of them was not a doormat.  They were NOT going to walk all over me.  (And they tried;  they tried.)  I said that if they got me their papers today I would give them credit.  But one second past midnight and it was a zero.  My stomach was in knots all day. These kids are practically ADULTS.  But they still think like babies.  It's all about the fun, fun, fun.   I kept asking myself, did I not reach them with my inspirational (ha), heated conversation about the importance of honoring a verbal contract?!  With my persuasive metaphor about  how their commitment to a verbal contract (especially when nobody was looking) was a sign of character (or lack thereof.)  I was really proud of myself for being strict.  But wary.  After all, these are teenage boys (and one girl) for God's sake.  What did they really hear?

During the day, one student (the girl) brought me her paper, finished during a study hall at computer lab. One kid.  That was all.

After school, I came back from my staff meeting hoping to find some papers on my chair.  There were none.  I was so dejected.  After a half hour or so of walking around the empty hallways, shoulders slumped in despair, I finally squared them once again, determined to shrug it off.  What else could I do?  At least there were half of the kids who actually did the paper.  Cheers for them.  (truly)

And then tonight, I got the emails. The papers were coming!!!!   Four of them so far.  Hooray.  At least there is hope.   So I will take that to the bank.  For now.  Because "now" is all I have.

As I am reflecting about all of this I am thinking that it might be just a little scary to see how much I care about all of this.  yipes...

And the Weekend Ends...

November 13 -- Sunday is over and I still feel like I could have worked for several more hours getting plans ready for this week.  I asked Brian, "why is it that lesson plans take so long?"  I just feel like it takes forever to make sure everything works -- to make sure I have enough time, enough interesting ways to present the material, to make sure I even know what I am teaching, before I close the books and start my week with the kids.

This is the first full week we have had in ages and, quite frankly, it's going to be a weird one with Thanksgiving break looming next week.   It's going to be interesting to see how the kids behave -- especially my seniors.  I am so annoyed with them right now.  Some of those kids are such babies when it comes to doing work -- if it's a smidge "boring" or difficult, they give up and don't do the work.  Yeah.  Future adults of America.  Living off of Mommy and Daddy because they don't have the independent work ethic to do all of the work -- the fun stuff and the boring stuff.

I just think about their lives ahead and can only hope -- for their sake -- that they grow up.  And soon.

Christmas Decorations UP Already!!!

November 12 -- Ya know I am insane when I put my Christmas decorations up in early November.  Okay. MID- November.  But alas, that's what I am doing right now.  What the hell, I can't wait forever and really?  I have no idea when or if I will have time.  so I am creeping the decorations in whenever I have a free minute or two.  Today, I put the finishing touches on the mantel in the family room.  Tomorrow I hope to get the stair railings done with the garland. I am so FREAKED about working full time and not getting stuff done and getting stressed out that I am very focused on getting it done early.  (It will come down early too, mark my word!)

I feel weird.  But there is a very strong part of me that is pumped.  I will NOT be stressed about this stuff!  Because ya know what?  WHen the chips are down...it's just stuff.

Now on to buying gifts.  Ugghhhh!!

Penn State and The Crucible

November 11th -- I can't WAIT to start The Crucible with my American Lit students.  With this Penn State situation and even the Cain drama, there is no lack of modern day witch hunts going on to connect to the play which was based on both the Salem witch trials and the McCarthy Communist hearings.   Based on all of the information I am reading however, it seems like the modern day witch hunts are merited.  Paterno and his cronies deserve to be emasculated for their ignorance and stupidity and testosterone filled arrogance.    Cain deserves to be outed as a liar and a power monger who preyed on innocent victims/women.

But as I write those words...I am thinking about The Crucible and the lives those lying girls destroyed -- literally -- during the Salem witch hunt trials.  It's weird.  When do we go crazy and clean house, and when are we going overboard? (Of course there is the million dollar question:  who is lying????!)   I would say that religion and politics shows the answer...the black and white laws of Puritanism created a hotbed of controversy.  There was such a rigid set of laws, with all of man's human imperfections, it was impossible to abide by all of the Puritan standards and come out clean.  But what we have today -- complete religious freedom and religious interpretation combined with the proliferation of abusive power mongers -- isn't creating such a great, morally upright world either, is it?  It's going from one extreme to the other.

Something to think about  anyway.  In the meantime, I am PUMPED about having so much modern day drama to connect to Arthur Miller's infamous play.  Amazing.  The kids are going to have a field day, I know.  Woo hoo, bring it on!

Luke and Parenting

November 10 -- Tonight I had the longest phone conversation with my son -- over an hour.  I think that's the longest conversation ever.  And to think he is my husband's son.  (When we dated long distance, phone conversations were excruciatingly sparse.)

Luke is having a tough time.  On one hand, things are going great.  He likes his roommate, likes crew, likes his courses okay, is excited for his new job in the research lab, but school is difficult.  As an engineering student, he is taking some of the most difficult courses out there.  So he studies -- harder than he has ever studied before -- and is pulling low C's.  This is completely new for him.  He barely studied in high school and still managed A's and B's.  And because he is in the honors program, he feels like he is surrounded by kids who are excelling.  But I bet that is not true.  I am sure there are many kids who are dealing with tough courses.

My heart goes out to him.  I wish I could solve his frustration with himself.  But this is something he has to figure out on his own.  Even picking courses.  APparently is advisor is just okayy and is not giving him a lot of direction.  He can't get into one of the courses she told him to take and now he only has four courses.  (but 15 credits)  I am so confused about how many credits/courses he needs to take.  I told him to go to the honors office and see if someone there can help him.  He told me he was already planning to do that.  I hope so.

This is the hard part about parenting.  Letting go and hoping for the best.  Ugh.

Parent Conferences

November 9 -- I had parent conferences tonight -- my first at the high school.  They went fine, I think.  It's kind of weird.  You tell parents a few things and then you wonder, what are they thinking?  Do they need more information?  What else do I say?  I have never been at a loss for things to say so that usually isn't an issue but I still wonder to myself, what do I say now?  Am I saying the right thing?  yipes.

And the other thing is that the majority of parents who come for conferences are usually the parents of kids who are doing really well.  So after telling them how great their kid is (and yeah, their kid is really great!), and then commenting on the writing, the reading ability...it's like okay, we are good here, yes?  I really have an interesting insight into how teachers probably viewed me and Brian last year when we went to Luke's teachers.  They were probably like, what?  What can you do -- the kid is out of here in a few months!  Whatever.  I still like to get a vibe on the teachers and see how they feel about my kid.

What is Fear?

November 8 -- Today, I showed my students a video clip about texting and driving.  Before I showed them the clip, we talked about the allure of scary movies.  I asked them why people liked to watch scary movies (I don't).  Some kids talked about the adrenaline rush.  Others talked about how, when watching a scary movie, you feel good knowing it is not happening to you.  We talked about how producers use fear to teach us lessons (like don't look behind the creaky door in the dark, empty house...especially if you hear a chain saw humming.)

And then I showed them the video.  It's an amazing video about real life experiences connected with texting and driving.  The kids stared at the screen, mesmerized.  Afterward, we talked about it.  They agreed that the fear they felt was actually quite powerful.  Whether it had an impact on them, I don't know. But I have to say, it was fascinating to see them glued to the screen.

My friend Liz is in a situation at work where she hates her job.  Has talked about wanting to leave for ages.  But fear is holding her back.  Women stay in abusive homes because they don't know what any other life is like.  They can't step out into the unknown.  In these cases, fear can be extremely harmful.  I think the beauty of fear is that it plays a number of different roles, some positive and some negative.  Like when it protects us;  when it teaches us to do things which keep us healthy.  But, like a knife, it can go the opposite way.  It can hold us fast in a situation that is extremely unhealthy.  It's up to us to decide whether the fear is our friend or our foe.  And yeah, that's certainly the hard part.  As Liz says, after awhile, the binky just no longer pacifies...it starts to smell.  I guess that's a pretty good time to abandon the ship.  To head out for parts unknown.  (which is no small feat.)  And that's where the other life tool steps in.  That's when "faith" keeps us moving toward safer ground.  To a place of growth and strength and good health.  Faith vs. Fear.  hmmmm.  Sounds like a huge conflict to me.  A lifelong one for most of us.  Oh well.  I guess it's part of the movie -- our life movie -- that keeps us glued to the screen eh?

Can't even imagine how it all turns out.  Stay tuned.

Back To the Blog

November 7 -- It's hard to believe that today is Monday, 10 days after my last entry.  Back in January, I said I would write every day.  I missed a few but not 10 days in a row.  However, this past week taught me something that writing a blog on a computer could never do.  Nature always has the last move.  And Nature moved for sure -- the storm that blew into our region last Saturday knocked out more than just electricity -- it knocked out our confidence that we can control all.

As far as I am concerned, that's not such a terrible lesson to learn.  It really underscored the importance of electricity -- probably the best invention known to man-kind.  Face it.  Without electricity, the computer world is ultimately reduced to nothing.   Something to think about anyway.  (as I write this blog haha.)