March 2 -- My kids have always done sports -- soccer, baseball, lacrosse, cross country, crew, football...it runs the gamut. Needless to say, Brian and I have had a lot of experience with the various sports rules and expectations. As a result, I have gained a decent perspective of how various sports go about putting teams together. And that's exactly why I question the logic of little league tryouts. Why does every other rec league sport segregate their teams by age and baseball is the only sport, the only one, which separates by skill? Why?
I posed that question tonight after I found out that Riley did not, in fact, make the "majors." After two days spent checking emails and running for the phone every time it rang, Riley finally went to bed. An hour later, his coach from the minor leagues called, a lovely man whom Brian likes a lot. We both agree he will be a great coach. He talked about Riley "taking the lead" for the team. Riley is, after all, one of the only fifth graders on the team. Apparently, many other fifth graders "moved up" to the major level leaving a small percentage of "undesirables" to play with the fourth graders at the minor level. So yes, Riley will be the "big man" on campus. But at what cost? He is old enough to understand that on some level he was judged and rejected. And he is sensitive enough to feel the pain of knowing that nearly all of his friends were accepted into the higher level. And he was not.
I get the whole thing about teaching our kids about overcoming adversity. We are actually quite good at it. And our kids are faring pretty well for the most part. Riley will be fine. I truly believe that. In fact, because he is athletic -- he just finished an amazing basketball season where he went from being somewhat timid on the court to being one of the strongest defenders with steals and blocked shots in every game -- I do believe he will become a stronger player this year. And maybe, like his brothers, he will ultimately decide he doesn't like baseball after all and he will join the growing number of kids in our town who play lacrosse. If he decided to go that route, I wouldn't blame him one bit.
I don't know. For now, I do know that this leveling of skill creates a sports caste system -- those who are better and those who are not. Parents who know their kids are better and parents who know their kids are not. Parents who care an awful lot about this and parents who kind of ride it out, knowing that life has a way of ultimately evening things out again. With the exception of my current heartache for my son -- which I know will pass eventually -- I guess I kind of fall into this latter category. Sometimes my kids are up. Sometimes they are down. It all evens out.
Having watched many kids (not just my own!) go through elementary, middle and high school, I have witnessed, over and over again, how this leveling starts at such an early age with the travel teams and the Little League baseball team rankings and continues straight into high school. But the good news is that it ends there. It really does. These "super athletes" who reign above the others in junior high and high school go on to college and, with the exception of the tiny minority who play college sports, poof! -- their magic is gone. They are, once again, on the same playing field along with everyone else. And here is the interesting part. Often times, it's the kids who were not the sports superstars, the kids who pursued non-athletic activities as well, who are in a stronger, more confident position when college begins.
In the long run, I know Riley will be fine. I actually kind of expected this outcome. But for now I know he is very disappointed in himself. He shouldn't be. He is a lot younger than many of the other kids in his grade and he is, in fact, a slow bloomer in the testosterone department. But it's coming -- the male intensity. I saw it this winter on the basketball court. It's starting, I can tell. As his mom though, I just hate for him to feel lousy about himself. Especially since so many of his friends are stronger athletically right now. But friendship is based on many, many fronts. His true friends will stick by him. And if they don't? He will make new friends. This, I taught him at an early age. My kids have never, ever, ever stuck by kids who are mean to them. That life skill is very important to me. Their ability to reject mean kids and make friends with nice people -- cool or not -- will take them far in life.
In the meantime? I still don't get it. I still don't understand why Little League baseball picks their teams by skill and not age and all the other sports don't. Maybe somebody can explain it to me. But something tells me they won't be able to. And that's why, despite my inner vibe that all will be well, I am still kind of pissed off right now. And maybe a little lonely. I don't like being the only one who, by virtue of my kid's current experience, has to contemplate this apparent inequity.
But I will be fine. It is whatever I make of it. And the same goes for Riley. We will deal with this together. We are, after all, a team. One forged not by athletic skill, but by God's grace and love.
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