Sadness and Decorating

March 21 -- Lately, with all the stuff going on with my parents and all of the anxiety around Luke's college applications (still waiting for two answers), I have found myself in a veritable stew pot of conflicting emotions.  But one of the more predominant emotions is grief.  I have noticed that on several occasions, I have been feeling profoundly sad.  Change is underfoot -- I know.

 The other night, when we drove Connor to lacrosse, I felt a pain in my chest.  I was thinking how it was the beginning of the last sport season for the school year and it suddenly hit me that it will be Luke's last sport season in public school.  Again, I felt a huge wave of sadness.  It all goes by so fast; it really does.

So I spent the weekend making myself feel better.  I went on a crazy decorating binge by cleaning out the old and bringing in a few new pieces.  The couch in the family room drives me crazy.  It's a slip cover and with all the kids, it is constantly in need of adjusting.  The awesome "comfy" couch was losing its allure with all of its huge pillows for the back of the couch.  Every day I had to go over and re-arrange them.  It seems like nothing but it was one more thing to do and it had been driving me nuts for a long time.  So out went both couches.  The comfy one is now in the kids' hang out room downstairs.  And I will sell the other one on Craigslist.  (It's in great condition if you don't have four kids flopping on it and...over it.)  Then, because I moved out the couch, I needed a new one, right?  Ha.  And when I moved a piece out of the living room and into the family room, then I needed a new chair for in there.

It sounds like I went crazy but really, I didn't.  We had the other couch for nearly 13 years.  And I went to my favorite, very reasonable and funky store -- IKEA -- to get the chair.  So now I have made some progress to clean out clutter and start fresh.  Am I sad still?  Hmmmm.  Of course I know that buying a new chair won't bring me lasting happiness.  But it sure will be a great place to escape to when things get too heavy -- a place to cuddle up with a book, a cozy blanket and a glass of wine... that sure sounds like joy to me!