March 31st -- wow...three whole months of writing every single day on this blog. has it changed me? yesnomaybe. I joined a gym. Started spinning. Started lifting weights. Stopped weighing myself. (completely. I have not stepped on a scale since we joined.) Signed up for a teaching workshop at a college in another state. Became a better parent.
Okay. One of the above statements is false. Guess which one??? And truly, I am not going to give this blog any credit for inspiring the others. Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't. I don't think it matters. But it sounds good anyway.
As for the false statement, the fact that my oldest son is like psycho child and I am psycho mom is a BIG clue. He is absolutely starting to stress out and his way of showing it is kind of spooky. I don't know if it's a guy thing or what but he will seem totally calm and we will be having a conversation (like how I found this person at a college he sort of wants to go to who can give him a day tour) and he goes from all calm to suddenly snapping my head off. I swear. The other night he came home from work and I called to him from the family room and asked him if he wanted a bowl of soup. And he got this snarly, intense voice and said, "Mommmmm, Stop. Nagging. Me." I was like, whoaaaaa. Okay. No soup! Tonight when we were talking about college and a potential visit he suddenly went kind of postal. "I will visit, whenever. Not. Now. I have too much to do right now!" Then he got all twitchy with his list of "to-do's" for tonight. It's just weird because only seconds before he was calm and responsive. What I think is that in his boy brain, he actually forgot what he had to do tonight and suddenly remembered in the middle of our conversation. And then he panicked.
Either way, I probably shouldn't be photographed for "mom of the year". Not that I would anyway but I just feel like anything I do -- and I mean anything (like offering food) -- sucks. Today, I was talking to Tessa. Just talking! And in the middle of her "story" she was sharing with me, she suddenly stops, looks at me and goes, "what are you doing?!!" (i was actually kind of imitating her because she was doing this weird thing with her hand and I was trying to figure out what she was trying to do) She paused, mid-sentence, flipped her hair and then stalked out of the room. "I can't talk to you!" she shouted over her shoulder. I was like, completely befuddled. This parenting thing is getting harder and harder. I just want them to be happy. To be excited about their lives. I completely get that it's normal to not always be happy or excited but...I do want to help. But how to do that -- I truly have no idea. I can't listen to them, feed them, or offer my love and support? Really?! Bah. So I stink at parenting. But I have decided. I am not giving up on the food. No way. Food rocks. Besides, it was an awesome soup.
No comments:
Post a Comment