October 16 -- Today was a day filled with anxiety and then...work completed. I always feel really anxious on Sundays now because I need to prepare for my week's worth of lessons and...well, I get nervous because I know I have a lot to do and I want to do the best job I can. And at the same time, I am resentful because I miss my Sundays where the only thing I had to worry about was thinking about whether or not the house was clean and if the kids had their clothes and homework ready for Monday. Monday was always the breather day, the moment when everyone left for work and school and once again...it would be quiet in the house. Blessed, total quiet.
But those days are over, replaced with the chaos of a work week that, for me, begins on Sunday and even, (as in this weekend) on Saturday. It's hard to motivate myself when it is a "day of rest." But I have to admit that the feeling I have right now -- of pushing myself and actually having some creative breakthroughs with lesson plans is unbelievably rewarding. I do feel that I won't be teaching forever, that my life will take me down yet another path or two. That is my prayer anyway. So I firmly believe that the mental muscles I am exercising right now are preparing me for the next challenge which comes my way -- I am developing the tenacity and commitment I need right now, coupled with the feeling of satisfaction that I stuck to my goal even though it would have been way easier to curl up in bed with a good book!
So excited for Philosopher's Chairs and Socratic Circles! Seriously, I love how this all came about -- learned about them briefly during an "off the cuff" conversation during professional development last week, and then as I was putting together plans I remembered them and googled them and omg they are awesome!!! What a great way to structure my class and incorporate poetry and critical thinking and literature and public speaking -- bam! (as my Lukie would say...)
Talked to him today. He is driving me a bit wild these days...I can sense he is changing but I don't have my finger on it. I pray it's for the good; he says he is committed to doing well but has already slipped in Calc...ughhhhh. What really kills me is watching my hard earned paycheck go straight to his school. And so I told him, he is my "human investment" but also my financial one. He better suck it up and do better. He swears he is. Time will tell. In the meantime, I pray and hope for the best.
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