April 23 -- Today was a really bizarre day. I don't know why but I just felt like I was gliding through the day and I wasn't really part of it. Surreal. That's the perfect word to describe it.
It was a grey and rainy outside which didn't do much to help elevate my mood. I knew I was going to go to Ann's wake and I felt anxious about it. I just felt so sad. And the kids were fighting and Brian and I had so much to get done so we could spend the day at my sister's tomorrow.
One bright note was when Luke came home safely from his road trip to Vassar. I was actually, in a weird way, kind of proud of him. It was his first long road trip driving all alone. I don't even want to know the details about his visit with Hilary but he said he had a great time and he looked really pleased with himself. And then he left almost immediately to spend the day at work. I truly never see the kid anymore. I guess that's good training for next year.
In the meantime, I went to the wake. As I expected, it was crowded and unbelievably sad. There was her daughter, only a few weeks away from her wedding, smiling and greeting people as they came through the receiving line. Oh, the irony. I couldn't stop crying. When I left the funeral home and got into my car I had decided -- I was going to go get a manicure. I really can't remember ever getting a manicure before but somehow that's what I decided was going to turn my mood around. I picked a very dark purple, almost black. And I love it. Brian says it doesn't do much for him but honestly? I really don't care. It's funky and different and when I look at my nails I feel like I am a different person. At the moment, that works for me.
When I left the nail place, I bumped into two of my colleagues from work. I figured they had been to the wake and they had. I guess when they left, they were really stressed and sad so they went to have a beer. I was like, ohhhh! I wish I had known. But on afterthought...I'm glad I went for the manicure. It lasts longer than the buzz from the alcohol. And works just as well.
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