June 29 -- Tonight was book club. We did My Antonia by Willa Cather and it was awesome. I am a bit subjective about the book -- I think it was the third time I read it. I just love it! Whenever I get weary of life and all of its "issues" I think of what the pioneers went through to create this country. ANd I think, "smarten up girlfriend, you've got nothing compared to their courage and sweat equity!"
(But I am fairly certain they didn't have to deal with texting issues...)
So it was a lot of fun even though we were a smaller group. Everyone has such great things to say...except for when we talked about the new state tax on alcohol. Not too happy about that one!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
A Little Order Amidst the Chaos
June 29 -- The guys started today with the renovation work to repair all of the damage we incurred this winter. Basically, most of the stuff is easy -- replacing sheetrock, adding back insulation -- except for the removal of the popcorn ceiling. Wow. What a mess.
Even though there are lots of plastic sheets covering everything, there is still dust on the floors, the counters, the cabinets. It's totally gross. And it won't end for days.
So I spent the night upstairs finally switching over my clothes from winter to summer. What I love the most about finally finishing that job is weeding through the clothes and giving away bags of stuff I will not wear anymore. That's the best. So yeah, while the downstairs is covered in a white powder that won't come up no matter how often I sweep the floor, at least my clothes closet is in order once again.
Next target -- the office!
Even though there are lots of plastic sheets covering everything, there is still dust on the floors, the counters, the cabinets. It's totally gross. And it won't end for days.
So I spent the night upstairs finally switching over my clothes from winter to summer. What I love the most about finally finishing that job is weeding through the clothes and giving away bags of stuff I will not wear anymore. That's the best. So yeah, while the downstairs is covered in a white powder that won't come up no matter how often I sweep the floor, at least my clothes closet is in order once again.
Next target -- the office!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Brian and Luke Compete in a Triathlon
June 28 -- Brian and Luke (and Luke's friend Andrew) ran a triathlon tonight. It started with the swim. I have to admit that as I watched them swim the course, I was overwhelmed with exhaustion. Then came the light jog to the transition area where they put on their sneakers and jumped on the bikes. totally overwhelming but I pushed forward. I made it to the transition area in time to cheer them on as they came back with their bikes and took off for the last leg -- the 5K run. The band on Luke's shorts was turned inside out. As he ran up the hill to set off on the run, I yelled to him to fix his shorts. He grinned at me and as he ran by, he rested a tell-tale finger on the back of his shorts. A message to his mom. Whatever. It's tough work cheering these racers on. I can handle the salty finger gestures. By the time the event was over I was totally fatigued and headed back to the waterfront for a cold, refreshing beer. What else could I do? Now that I have gone through the experience, I think I totally need to do some training before the next one...cheering on the participants is a tough role for sure but I guess I am fairly adept at it. It's a blessing, I know :)
Monday, June 27, 2011
Home Again...
June 27 -- What a wild, wonderful weekend I had but now I am home again and gearing up to tackle all that is heading my way...I can't say I am refreshed and energized (got like no sleep the last four days!) but it is what it is.
hanging with the girls was great as usual but yesterday I had to leave and drive three hours to go to my niece's shower and then drive three hours back again -- all in one day. that was totally exhausting. And boring. It's a long drive when you're alone. But going out to dinner last night with everyone and then hanging on the beach for a while today (plus shopping at the outlets on the way home!) made the effort totally worth it.
But now I have SO much to do...
Tessa seems to be having a complete blast at camp. And Connor is starting to show signs of exhaustion. It is very difficult what he is doing. Fortunately he has a day off at home this Friday. Looking forward to seeing him -- I feel like it's been ages!
And then of course it's prep time for the messy work of popcorn ceiling removal starting on Wednesday ...ughhh! The craziness continues.
hanging with the girls was great as usual but yesterday I had to leave and drive three hours to go to my niece's shower and then drive three hours back again -- all in one day. that was totally exhausting. And boring. It's a long drive when you're alone. But going out to dinner last night with everyone and then hanging on the beach for a while today (plus shopping at the outlets on the way home!) made the effort totally worth it.
But now I have SO much to do...
Tessa seems to be having a complete blast at camp. And Connor is starting to show signs of exhaustion. It is very difficult what he is doing. Fortunately he has a day off at home this Friday. Looking forward to seeing him -- I feel like it's been ages!
And then of course it's prep time for the messy work of popcorn ceiling removal starting on Wednesday ...ughhh! The craziness continues.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Monica Isn't Scary Anymore
June 23 -- Feeling kind of fat, I went to the gym today for a spinning class. Even though I went on Tuesday and endured the very difficult teacher - Terry, I haven't been there too much lately so I made sure I went today. Scary Monica taught the class today. Except this time, I decided she isn't really scary after all. Maybe it's just that I have had her so many times, I have gotten to know her, as far as one actually "gets to know" a spinning instructor that is...
So that got me to thinking about how many times something new or unknown frightens me and then, when I keep at it, I become less anxious. Hmmm. There is a significant lesson in there somewhere but I have to confess, I am just not in the mood to think about it too carefully! Suffice it to say, I actually enjoyed Monica's spinning class -- even the one crazy rap song she played. I am a changed woman these days...ha.
So that got me to thinking about how many times something new or unknown frightens me and then, when I keep at it, I become less anxious. Hmmm. There is a significant lesson in there somewhere but I have to confess, I am just not in the mood to think about it too carefully! Suffice it to say, I actually enjoyed Monica's spinning class -- even the one crazy rap song she played. I am a changed woman these days...ha.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Reaching For Goals --Why do we do that??!
June 22 -- This date will forever go down in my memory for a number of reasons. I reached for a goal. And heard if I got it. And I wonder...is it the right goal for me? Have I totally screwed up my life? I have a nice, somewhat complicated but still manageable life. I get enough sleep, eat decently enough, have energy to go to the kids sports games, go to the gym, and still have a few hours for work. hmmmm. why rock the boat?
Yeah. Million dollar question for sure. Why change?? Why? I am a walking stomach ache right now, a vision of emotional chaos and indecision -- I don't know what I want and for someone who designs and knows how to pick the right furniture, color, book etc... it annoys the hell out of me when I can't figure out my next step. I guess as a control freak, I want it to be right in my hand where I can turn it over and look at it. But you can't do that with the future. I really have to trust in God on this one. Seriously. Lord help me. Please.
Yeah. Million dollar question for sure. Why change?? Why? I am a walking stomach ache right now, a vision of emotional chaos and indecision -- I don't know what I want and for someone who designs and knows how to pick the right furniture, color, book etc... it annoys the hell out of me when I can't figure out my next step. I guess as a control freak, I want it to be right in my hand where I can turn it over and look at it. But you can't do that with the future. I really have to trust in God on this one. Seriously. Lord help me. Please.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Fear of Success
June 21 -- First day of summer and it was a beautiful one.
Tomorrow I have an interview. It's a second interview which is a first for me this year. So far, I have never made it past the first round although I was apparently a number two candidate once. The prospects for doing well with this interview looks good becauseI know and like all of the people interviewing me. But that does not mean it's a done deal. I have been in this place before and I didn't get hired. No, I am not a horrible interviewer. When I call for feedback I always hear that I did really well but that they were looking for someone with more specific experience, less experience, more experience, whatever.
I am realizing, as I reflect on the fact that I have made it to the second round, that I could very well get hired. And what I am feeling is absolute panic. Sheer fear. I know I can do the job. I know I can do it well. But do I really, really want to? Do I really want to give up my flexible schedule? ugghhh. I cannot believe it but yes, I have a fear of succeeding. How weird is that? I have always found that expression to be so odd. Who would be afraid of winning? Everyone wants to win don't they? I guess it ties into the expression, "be careful what you wish for." I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But I do know this -- tomorrow I have an interview. And I might even get the job. I guess I will figure out the next step when -- or if -- I get there.
Tomorrow I have an interview. It's a second interview which is a first for me this year. So far, I have never made it past the first round although I was apparently a number two candidate once. The prospects for doing well with this interview looks good becauseI know and like all of the people interviewing me. But that does not mean it's a done deal. I have been in this place before and I didn't get hired. No, I am not a horrible interviewer. When I call for feedback I always hear that I did really well but that they were looking for someone with more specific experience, less experience, more experience, whatever.
I am realizing, as I reflect on the fact that I have made it to the second round, that I could very well get hired. And what I am feeling is absolute panic. Sheer fear. I know I can do the job. I know I can do it well. But do I really, really want to? Do I really want to give up my flexible schedule? ugghhh. I cannot believe it but yes, I have a fear of succeeding. How weird is that? I have always found that expression to be so odd. Who would be afraid of winning? Everyone wants to win don't they? I guess it ties into the expression, "be careful what you wish for." I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. But I do know this -- tomorrow I have an interview. And I might even get the job. I guess I will figure out the next step when -- or if -- I get there.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Solicitations at the Drugstore et al
June 20 -- Today, I went to CVS to return ummm, like five boxes of tampons. I was annoyed because last week I bought them in a fit of trying to be organized and when the cashier handed me the receipt there was a 30% off coupon with a $4 off a total purchase coupon and I was like, huh?! I just bought all this stuff and now I get the percentage off coupon? I rarely spend money at CVS so I was bummed.
Anyway, I decided I would return the stuff and keep the coupon and tomorrow I will go to another CVS with my coupon and buy them again. Pain in the neck, I know but worth it to save the $15.
So I was standing there today, waiting my turn and was watching the lady before me ring out. When it came time to pay, the cashier asked her, "would you like to donate a dollar to...?" I don't remember whom the cause was for. It's always something deeply sad. Like, curing cancer for children whose parents are dying too. Or, finding a cure for babies with AIDS who also have asthma and were born with only four toes. And the cashier asks in this "I am doing something great for the world and don't you want to join my bus" sing songy voice so that when you quietly shake your head "no" you feel like a total loser. "No thank you," I always say. And then I think to myself, really?! You really don't want to help children with cancer whose parents are dying too? Omigod I think, I am so awful. But I just HATE (and I rarely use that word unless I really mean it) being solicited at the store when I have JUST spent like a ton of money on stupid tampons or household cleaner or acne medication. When I donate to others, I want to do it on my own time.
I just wonder, why do stores get to do this to the general public? What is management thinking when they initiate the "please ask for more money for a non-profit" rule amongst the cashiers? Do they think it looks good? That it's good public relations? Because I think it isn't. I think it creates many moments where people feel crappy about saying no to helping others because they are totally skeeved about spending a lot of money on...skin cream or cough medicine or suntan lotion, to name a few totally stupid items which are over-priced for sure. I know they are only asking you to spend one more dollar but really...the judgmental do good for others because CVS (or Target or Walmart or...whomever) does good for others seems so preachy. So, bossy. I don't know. It just doesn't seem right.
Something to think about anyway...
Anyway, I decided I would return the stuff and keep the coupon and tomorrow I will go to another CVS with my coupon and buy them again. Pain in the neck, I know but worth it to save the $15.
So I was standing there today, waiting my turn and was watching the lady before me ring out. When it came time to pay, the cashier asked her, "would you like to donate a dollar to...?" I don't remember whom the cause was for. It's always something deeply sad. Like, curing cancer for children whose parents are dying too. Or, finding a cure for babies with AIDS who also have asthma and were born with only four toes. And the cashier asks in this "I am doing something great for the world and don't you want to join my bus" sing songy voice so that when you quietly shake your head "no" you feel like a total loser. "No thank you," I always say. And then I think to myself, really?! You really don't want to help children with cancer whose parents are dying too? Omigod I think, I am so awful. But I just HATE (and I rarely use that word unless I really mean it) being solicited at the store when I have JUST spent like a ton of money on stupid tampons or household cleaner or acne medication. When I donate to others, I want to do it on my own time.
I just wonder, why do stores get to do this to the general public? What is management thinking when they initiate the "please ask for more money for a non-profit" rule amongst the cashiers? Do they think it looks good? That it's good public relations? Because I think it isn't. I think it creates many moments where people feel crappy about saying no to helping others because they are totally skeeved about spending a lot of money on...skin cream or cough medicine or suntan lotion, to name a few totally stupid items which are over-priced for sure. I know they are only asking you to spend one more dollar but really...the judgmental do good for others because CVS (or Target or Walmart or...whomever) does good for others seems so preachy. So, bossy. I don't know. It just doesn't seem right.
Something to think about anyway...
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Fathers Day
June 19 -- Poor Brian. Some Fathers Day morning. We were up at 6am, getting Connor out of bed and showered so we could take him to camp. With all the hullabaloo over Luke and graduation, it was all I could do to get Connor packed for his new adventure. I never really had time to get sad about him being gone for a month. (minus a day off every couple of weeks or so.)
So we couldn't really let Brian sleep in and wake up to breakfast in bed. It was more like him getting up and making the coffee and then dragging me out of bed. But Connor gave him his card before we left.
When we got to camp, Connor seemed excited. It was weird. He and Brian walked like 15 steps in front of me the whole time we were there. I couldn't get the energy to walk quickly alongside the two of them. Besides, it was kind of nice watching them walk along -- Connor is as tall (ha) as Brian...
After I kissed Con goodbye and got into the car, I started to cry. That seems to be how it hits me these days. I am fine and then the second I sit in that sit and start to drive away, I lose it. But when he called tonight, he was sooooo excited! I guess his campers are awesome. He already has one camper who, whenever he starts to walk away goes..."Connor...hey Connor, where are you going?" I guess the youngest camper in his group is in his twenties but he still kept saying, "my kids." Too cute. And then he goes, " I feel like a parent!" Ha. I can only wonder how he will feel after two weeks with this group. But it was 10pm and he "had just gotten the campers to sleep" and he and his counselor buddies were heading out to play some basketball. So far so good! (and I think Luke is going to really miss going this year but as he says, "it's time to explore some other type of work.")
And as for Brian, we took him to the pond/lake and he slept for over an hour in the sun. So it wasn't such a bad Father's Day after all.
So we couldn't really let Brian sleep in and wake up to breakfast in bed. It was more like him getting up and making the coffee and then dragging me out of bed. But Connor gave him his card before we left.
When we got to camp, Connor seemed excited. It was weird. He and Brian walked like 15 steps in front of me the whole time we were there. I couldn't get the energy to walk quickly alongside the two of them. Besides, it was kind of nice watching them walk along -- Connor is as tall (ha) as Brian...
After I kissed Con goodbye and got into the car, I started to cry. That seems to be how it hits me these days. I am fine and then the second I sit in that sit and start to drive away, I lose it. But when he called tonight, he was sooooo excited! I guess his campers are awesome. He already has one camper who, whenever he starts to walk away goes..."Connor...hey Connor, where are you going?" I guess the youngest camper in his group is in his twenties but he still kept saying, "my kids." Too cute. And then he goes, " I feel like a parent!" Ha. I can only wonder how he will feel after two weeks with this group. But it was 10pm and he "had just gotten the campers to sleep" and he and his counselor buddies were heading out to play some basketball. So far so good! (and I think Luke is going to really miss going this year but as he says, "it's time to explore some other type of work.")
And as for Brian, we took him to the pond/lake and he slept for over an hour in the sun. So it wasn't such a bad Father's Day after all.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Luke's Graduation Party...is Over, Yay!
June 18 -- We had Luke's graduation party today -- it was a gorgeous day for it, sunny and warm but not too hot. Brian and I worked late last night to get everything ready. The kids helped a lot too. And now it's over. I am exhausted but so glad it's done!
I think, because I have been running around the clock, I haven't had a lot of time to actually register the fact that Luke is done with public school. But talking to all of the parents of college aged or recent college graduates at my nephew's college graduation party tonight made me even more excited for Luke going away to school. Everyone is doing very exciting and interesting things. I just think about Luke at college with all of those opportunities and new found independence. He is going to be like a kid in a candy shop. I just hope he knows how to exercise a form of balance...
But for now -- it's summer vacation. Hooray!
I think, because I have been running around the clock, I haven't had a lot of time to actually register the fact that Luke is done with public school. But talking to all of the parents of college aged or recent college graduates at my nephew's college graduation party tonight made me even more excited for Luke going away to school. Everyone is doing very exciting and interesting things. I just think about Luke at college with all of those opportunities and new found independence. He is going to be like a kid in a candy shop. I just hope he knows how to exercise a form of balance...
But for now -- it's summer vacation. Hooray!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Wiener Gets a Pension?
June 17 -- So I just need to get something straight. First Congressman Wiener sends a photo of his junk to a woman he has a "crush" on. What a dork. Then he gets caught because she exposes him. ha -- nice word. Then he denies it. Then he hires a detective to find out who sent the photos. Then he admits that he did send the photo and it actually was him in the photo. (wow -- what a revelation) And then he goes for therapy. And meanwhile his wife (who works for Hilary Rodham Clinton of all people) is pregnant, omg. And then he says he won't resign. And then he does. Resign.
And now he gets a pension?!! From the taxpayers? What's it for? Royalties? And he gets money for being, umm, a wiener?!!
I don't know why I am bothering with my parenting efforts -- trying so hard to teach my children about developing and exhibiting moral strength. Why should I waste all of our time? It's obviously not going to get them anywhere. Ughh. The whole thing is just insane. It's totally... nuts. (haha)
And now he gets a pension?!! From the taxpayers? What's it for? Royalties? And he gets money for being, umm, a wiener?!!
I don't know why I am bothering with my parenting efforts -- trying so hard to teach my children about developing and exhibiting moral strength. Why should I waste all of our time? It's obviously not going to get them anywhere. Ughh. The whole thing is just insane. It's totally... nuts. (haha)
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Luke Graduates From High School
June 17 -- It's official. I now have a high school grad. I cannot even believe it. Luke looked so proud and happy tonight at graduation; it was hard not to be excited for him. I really didn't cry until I got back into the car with my mom and was driving home. And then it hit me like a wave. Luke is done with public school. That's it. Amazing. And they say the college years go by even faster. I believe it.
Like last night, I am soooo tired. Am squinting at the keyboard as I write this. Stuff going on with Connor too but I just don't want to think about it right now -- I just want to sleep. I will get organized tomorrow.
Like last night, I am soooo tired. Am squinting at the keyboard as I write this. Stuff going on with Connor too but I just don't want to think about it right now -- I just want to sleep. I will get organized tomorrow.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tessa Graduates From Middle School
June 15 -- Tessa had her graduation tonight. It was really nice but the boys in her class are extremely confident and cocky and it showed. Freshman year will be interesting for them...
I am so unbelievably tired; I cannot see straight. So I am off to bed. Much to do tomorrow. Luke's graduation and all the maneuvering about parent rides etc. ugh. And of course the interview which I feel is surreal. I don't know what to expect.
Whatever. It is what it is. (my favorite expression these days...)
I am so unbelievably tired; I cannot see straight. So I am off to bed. Much to do tomorrow. Luke's graduation and all the maneuvering about parent rides etc. ugh. And of course the interview which I feel is surreal. I don't know what to expect.
Whatever. It is what it is. (my favorite expression these days...)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Mary Dresses Up for Middle School Honors Night
June 14 -- There is this woman who lives in my town that we all call affectionately, "Perfect Mary". She just cracks us up because she always looks, well, perfect. Hair done just so, adorable outfit, chip free nails, and the list goes on. Her kids are awesome too. And her husband. Once, he was in the outfield during one of Riley's baseball games and I guess he ran to his car to get a sweatshirt because it was cold while he was umping. I looked out at him and grinned. He was wearing a beautiful white jacket. He looked like he was in some sports clothing ad. I mean seriously. I thought about how Brian was wearing his comfy, but schlumpy sweatshirt. Only Ray could look like he was in a fashion shoot during a ho-dunk small town baseball game. And for God's sake, who seriously wears a white jacket in the middle of a Little League baseball field?
Anyway, tonight was honors night for the middle school kids and afterward, everyone piled out of the auditorium and into the lobby for refreshments. And there was Mary looking resplendent in her long black skirt and white blouse. I truly thought she had come from somewhere special. It never, ever occurred to me that she had dressed so beautifully for the 1.25 hour 8th grade presentation. So I joked, "Hey! did you just come from a choir concert?" When she laughed and said no, I was like, "so where did you come from?" ANd she just looked at me, confused. That's when it hit me. Omg!! Mary just dressed up to come here! yipes. I thought to myself, are you jealous? And I thought back, nahhhhh. I know how to dress up when I care about dressing up. I truly don't care what Mary wears. I just felt awkward for assuming she dressed up for another (more important :) reason!
Whatever. It's really not a big deal. But I have to admit -- I can't wait to see what she wears tomorrow night for 8th grade graduation!
Anyway, tonight was honors night for the middle school kids and afterward, everyone piled out of the auditorium and into the lobby for refreshments. And there was Mary looking resplendent in her long black skirt and white blouse. I truly thought she had come from somewhere special. It never, ever occurred to me that she had dressed so beautifully for the 1.25 hour 8th grade presentation. So I joked, "Hey! did you just come from a choir concert?" When she laughed and said no, I was like, "so where did you come from?" ANd she just looked at me, confused. That's when it hit me. Omg!! Mary just dressed up to come here! yipes. I thought to myself, are you jealous? And I thought back, nahhhhh. I know how to dress up when I care about dressing up. I truly don't care what Mary wears. I just felt awkward for assuming she dressed up for another (more important :) reason!
Whatever. It's really not a big deal. But I have to admit -- I can't wait to see what she wears tomorrow night for 8th grade graduation!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Riley's Baseball Season Ends. With Lots of Tears
June 13 -- Riley had a playoff game tonight and it was an unbelievably emotional game. His team was in the lead nearly the whole time and then, in the second to last inning, the other team just exploded with hits. There was truly nothing to do; the kids were just smashing the ball. Within minutes, the opposing team had taken the lead and then left Riley's team in the dust.
Riley's friend Jack was pitching. His mother is a total sweetheart and even as her son kept getting battered with hits and walks, she cheered him on. "C'mon Jackie" she called. We all called out with her. But the other team plowed ahead. What could we do? It was the spirit of the game after all. It just wasn't our kids' night to win.
When the side finally was retired, we had last ups. There was a brief rally and then, an out at first and a stolen base gone bad. With two outs, Jack hit one into the outfield and made it onto base. And then, Riley was up. When he connected with the ball, he smacked it hard and the pitcher, having just finished his follow-through on the throw, just stuck out his glove and caught the ball. The game was over.
And that's it for the season. Except for the tears. Riley thought it was his fault for making the last out. We tried to assure him, he had an awesome hit -- but the pitcher made an equally awesome catch. I don't know why the other kids cried, except to say they were totally bummed. It was a sweet team with a lot of really nice boys. I was happy to see how much Riley enjoyed going to practices and playing in games, win or lose. ANd because he didn't make it to majors, he played the whole game through. Every game. And had a lot of fun as well.
I wonder a bit why it has to change when they hit the "majors." Why it has to get so intense. Sure it's great to win but it's important to deal with losing as well. Tonight, the other team played better and that was that. But what I loved the most about tonight was how, when Riley came home, everybody -- including his siblings -- worked together to make him feel better. That, to me, was the best part of all.
Riley's friend Jack was pitching. His mother is a total sweetheart and even as her son kept getting battered with hits and walks, she cheered him on. "C'mon Jackie" she called. We all called out with her. But the other team plowed ahead. What could we do? It was the spirit of the game after all. It just wasn't our kids' night to win.
When the side finally was retired, we had last ups. There was a brief rally and then, an out at first and a stolen base gone bad. With two outs, Jack hit one into the outfield and made it onto base. And then, Riley was up. When he connected with the ball, he smacked it hard and the pitcher, having just finished his follow-through on the throw, just stuck out his glove and caught the ball. The game was over.
And that's it for the season. Except for the tears. Riley thought it was his fault for making the last out. We tried to assure him, he had an awesome hit -- but the pitcher made an equally awesome catch. I don't know why the other kids cried, except to say they were totally bummed. It was a sweet team with a lot of really nice boys. I was happy to see how much Riley enjoyed going to practices and playing in games, win or lose. ANd because he didn't make it to majors, he played the whole game through. Every game. And had a lot of fun as well.
I wonder a bit why it has to change when they hit the "majors." Why it has to get so intense. Sure it's great to win but it's important to deal with losing as well. Tonight, the other team played better and that was that. But what I loved the most about tonight was how, when Riley came home, everybody -- including his siblings -- worked together to make him feel better. That, to me, was the best part of all.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Tessa's Dance Recital
June 12 -- When life gets stressful and difficult, I try to focus on the many wonderful things around me that I am grateful for. Sometimes it's little things like watching Lily run down the driveway with her ears flopping wildly. Other times it's looking at a room that is cleaned and un-cluttered or a pile of freshly washed laundry folded and ready to be put away. A bird resting at the bird feeder, a shock of color on the ground -- a newly planted flower spicing up the garden. My children laughing. Luke driving down the driveway just before curfew, his headlights rounding the curve and heading toward the garage.
Today, and last night, my moment of gratitude came when I watched Tessa perform with her pointe dance class during their recital. Last night was great with all the boys there -- and Luke even bought his sister some flowers. I am extremely subjective of course but omigod Tessa looked so unbelievably gorgeous up there on the stage. I don't know anything about the formal issues connected with dance but I thought that even though it was her first year of pointe, she did really, really well. I loved how, when she raised and extended her arms, you could see the defined muscles on her back and shoulders. She was so graceful and when the curtains closed, she was in the front, teetering on her toes like a classical ballerina, her neck long as she gazed upward dramatically at her two hands curved elegantly over her head. Stunning. She just took my breath away and I was so unbelievably proud of her. Naturally, I am speaking as a mother, pure and simple but it was a great moment of joy and peace to watch her dance and I was very grateful for being there. And yeah, I got teary eyed. It was hard not to. It's a mom thing to do!
So when my brother erupts in a fit of anger and yells at me for some bizarre, psycho reason, (like he did today when I was driving to the recital) I am going to think about Tessa up on that stage. I am going to say a prayer for his crazy anger and hope that he finds peace in his world which is filled with so much anger that he has to scream at his sister to release it. And as I absorb the impact of his verbal fist, and try to calm him down with reason, (because he has, once again, misinterpreted and over-reacted to a comment I had made) I am going to remember how blessed I am with all of these numerous, amazing gifts of love and joy in my life. Thank God.
Today, and last night, my moment of gratitude came when I watched Tessa perform with her pointe dance class during their recital. Last night was great with all the boys there -- and Luke even bought his sister some flowers. I am extremely subjective of course but omigod Tessa looked so unbelievably gorgeous up there on the stage. I don't know anything about the formal issues connected with dance but I thought that even though it was her first year of pointe, she did really, really well. I loved how, when she raised and extended her arms, you could see the defined muscles on her back and shoulders. She was so graceful and when the curtains closed, she was in the front, teetering on her toes like a classical ballerina, her neck long as she gazed upward dramatically at her two hands curved elegantly over her head. Stunning. She just took my breath away and I was so unbelievably proud of her. Naturally, I am speaking as a mother, pure and simple but it was a great moment of joy and peace to watch her dance and I was very grateful for being there. And yeah, I got teary eyed. It was hard not to. It's a mom thing to do!
So when my brother erupts in a fit of anger and yells at me for some bizarre, psycho reason, (like he did today when I was driving to the recital) I am going to think about Tessa up on that stage. I am going to say a prayer for his crazy anger and hope that he finds peace in his world which is filled with so much anger that he has to scream at his sister to release it. And as I absorb the impact of his verbal fist, and try to calm him down with reason, (because he has, once again, misinterpreted and over-reacted to a comment I had made) I am going to remember how blessed I am with all of these numerous, amazing gifts of love and joy in my life. Thank God.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Germany's Nudist Hiking Trail
June 11 -- I read today that in Germany, they just opened up their first nudist hiking trail. Interesting. When I think about the logic of having a nudist hiking trail, I can't help but think that Congressman Wiener should take a little trip to Germany and try it out. What the heck, he is asking for a leave of absence anyway so I think it would be a perfect way for him to ummmm, center himself and sort through this bizarre urge to expose his "junk" to others via electronic media.
Here's the deal. He won't go. I am kidding myself if I think that Wiener actually has the courage to face people in person with his (pardon the term) wiener hanging out for all to see. With the advent of the computer age, with texting and sexting and tweeting and skyping and blah, blah, blah, people who have this urge to be bold, can do it -- as long as they don't have to see people face to face while doing "it." For example, even kids are bolder when they text or facebook then when they have to speak intimately in a face to face situation. More 8th grade dance date proposals were exchanged in Tessa's class this year than ever before. Why? Because the boys would text their questions. And the girls could reply in-kind. I asked Tessa if she thought the boy who asked her would have done it if he had to ask her face to face. Her answer? "No way!" My point exactly.
So I wonder, who exactly would want to hike naked? The thought of exposed body parts swaying in a rhythm syncopated by ones hiking stride and red welt marks from insect bites and rashes from sun and sweat appearing in weird places normally covered by conventional hiking clothes kind of freaks me out. I can't even imagine the idea of feeling so unprotected from protruding sticks and dusty grime. Ugghhh. Really weird. Really. But it does sound like a "Wiener-ful" vacation eh?! haha.
Here's the deal. He won't go. I am kidding myself if I think that Wiener actually has the courage to face people in person with his (pardon the term) wiener hanging out for all to see. With the advent of the computer age, with texting and sexting and tweeting and skyping and blah, blah, blah, people who have this urge to be bold, can do it -- as long as they don't have to see people face to face while doing "it." For example, even kids are bolder when they text or facebook then when they have to speak intimately in a face to face situation. More 8th grade dance date proposals were exchanged in Tessa's class this year than ever before. Why? Because the boys would text their questions. And the girls could reply in-kind. I asked Tessa if she thought the boy who asked her would have done it if he had to ask her face to face. Her answer? "No way!" My point exactly.
So I wonder, who exactly would want to hike naked? The thought of exposed body parts swaying in a rhythm syncopated by ones hiking stride and red welt marks from insect bites and rashes from sun and sweat appearing in weird places normally covered by conventional hiking clothes kind of freaks me out. I can't even imagine the idea of feeling so unprotected from protruding sticks and dusty grime. Ugghhh. Really weird. Really. But it does sound like a "Wiener-ful" vacation eh?! haha.
Friday, June 10, 2011
too much going on...
June 10 -- I just feel like all of this is my fault. Then again, I always feel like everything is my fault. There is too much going on and I take ownership -- I feel like I should have some sort of insight or epiphany or decision making ability to just say "no." Even Tessa's dance recital this weekend. Originally, I was like okay, it's on two days. We will go to one. But Tessa whined. And I thought, geesh, maybe I should go to both recitals (which are exactly the same btw.) And now I hear of many other mothers who are only going on one day. I feel stupid because, quite frankly, it's a royal pita to go to both. With Luke's graduation party next weekend, we have like no time left to get the yard and house ready or to buy the stuff we need etc.
And my mother is coming over tomorrow to get her hair colored. And Connor has to go out to some kids house to study, and Tessa has to be dropped off a half hour away, an hour earlier than when the damn recital starts. Truly. I am so pissed. I feel like I screwed up somehow. And I don't know how to fix it. I dont. Everyone is running around complaining about how tired they are. Well duh. Because we have all committed to like a million things. It's nuts. totally nuts.
And my mother is coming over tomorrow to get her hair colored. And Connor has to go out to some kids house to study, and Tessa has to be dropped off a half hour away, an hour earlier than when the damn recital starts. Truly. I am so pissed. I feel like I screwed up somehow. And I don't know how to fix it. I dont. Everyone is running around complaining about how tired they are. Well duh. Because we have all committed to like a million things. It's nuts. totally nuts.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Waiting for Luke to Come Home...
June 9 -- Today was Luke's last official day at the high school -- his last day as a public school student. As a senior, he didn't have to take exams if he maintained an A average or if he took an AP class. So he is done.
And is already asking to go out -- over friends etc.
Because he left at 4:30 pm already, we told him to be home at 9pm. At 9 he called to say that his phone died and could he stay until 9:30pm. At 9:30pm, he called to say his car was stuck in a ditch which runs along the driveway at A's house, the friend who was hosting the casual gathering of kids. Her father, apparently, was helping Luke get the car out. I called the cell he used at 10pm -- apparently he had just gotten out of the ditch and was now heading home. It's about a 15 minute ride from here. Maybe 20 minutes. And now I wait.
I hate this part; I really do. It's all normal, all part of life. I just cannot stand it. And he is only our first. Seriously, will I be more relaxed with Riley? I have no idea. Luke has always been one to kind of push the envelope. Maybe that is why I am a little more cautious, a little more anxious. That and yes, he is the first one to go through all of this. ughhhh.
I told Brian tonight. I don't want to let him go. I really don't. But then i do. I wonder, why does it have to be so damn complicated?! In the dark, I can see his headlights coming down the driveway. I say a prayer of thanks. One day at a time. One at at time. It's all I can do.
And is already asking to go out -- over friends etc.
Because he left at 4:30 pm already, we told him to be home at 9pm. At 9 he called to say that his phone died and could he stay until 9:30pm. At 9:30pm, he called to say his car was stuck in a ditch which runs along the driveway at A's house, the friend who was hosting the casual gathering of kids. Her father, apparently, was helping Luke get the car out. I called the cell he used at 10pm -- apparently he had just gotten out of the ditch and was now heading home. It's about a 15 minute ride from here. Maybe 20 minutes. And now I wait.
I hate this part; I really do. It's all normal, all part of life. I just cannot stand it. And he is only our first. Seriously, will I be more relaxed with Riley? I have no idea. Luke has always been one to kind of push the envelope. Maybe that is why I am a little more cautious, a little more anxious. That and yes, he is the first one to go through all of this. ughhhh.
I told Brian tonight. I don't want to let him go. I really don't. But then i do. I wonder, why does it have to be so damn complicated?! In the dark, I can see his headlights coming down the driveway. I say a prayer of thanks. One day at a time. One at at time. It's all I can do.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Thunder storm
June 9 - I don't even know what day it is but I am on b's iPad and I don't have a calendar nearby...so I am guessing. Right now here is a thunder and lightening storm going on ADHD we hadw to turn all of the computers off. So I am stuck writing my blog on b's IPad. Not a huge fan of this but I guess it gets the job done. Actually, it makes this little typewriter sound when I type the letters on the pad keyboard so I guess I kind of like that . It's sort of romantic in a retro sort of way.
Read lukes yearbook tonight. It's a nice yearbook. I am just still kind of having a struggle with the idea that he is old enough to have a yearbook from high school! Oh well. Weirdly I have this sense of calm about him graduating all of a sudden. I just feel like he is going to really like college. I just hope he understands how independence comes at a cost...and how quickly he books can turn. God help us all!
Read lukes yearbook tonight. It's a nice yearbook. I am just still kind of having a struggle with the idea that he is old enough to have a yearbook from high school! Oh well. Weirdly I have this sense of calm about him graduating all of a sudden. I just feel like he is going to really like college. I just hope he understands how independence comes at a cost...and how quickly he books can turn. God help us all!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Hoss
June 7 -- I would just like to point out that today is my 166th entry. Man. That's actually a lot of entries. Seriously. I am almost half way through the year. I rock. haha.
Here is the scary part. Just now, when I was trying to figure out how close I was to the half way point, I couldn't remember how many days there were in a year. I had to yell upstairs and my 15 year old yelled back the information. I freak myself out - truly. But here is what I think. Old age and wisdom go hand in hand and, because time goes by so friggin' fast, who really cares how many days there are in the year?! Seriously. At this point, I know that I need to take each day one at a time. What use is it to me to know how many days there are until it is June 7th again? My mind, in it's infinite wisdom, discards information that is really unnecessary for ensuring my happiness on this planet.
But sometimes I forget things that, when remembered, are amazing gifts. Like Cindy's high school nickname, Hoss. For some reason, she ended a "Fab 5 " email tonight with her old nickname. I burst out laughing. Not only did I completely forget her nickname, I cannot remember at all how she got it! But it was awesome nonetheless to go back to those days so long ago and visualize how we teased her with her nickname.
Connor asked me tonight not to yell. He said it turns off his attention. My response? Fine. Let him be the mother. Let him sweat all the details. Then I can relax. I can go to bed early with a book instead of making sure that the laundry is folded, the dishes are washed, that Luke is inside and going to bed. (As I write this at 10:30pm, he is outside by the fire pit with a lit citronella candle and his outdoor speakers blaring.) Fine. Let Connor be me. See what happens to his memory!
Here is the scary part. Just now, when I was trying to figure out how close I was to the half way point, I couldn't remember how many days there were in a year. I had to yell upstairs and my 15 year old yelled back the information. I freak myself out - truly. But here is what I think. Old age and wisdom go hand in hand and, because time goes by so friggin' fast, who really cares how many days there are in the year?! Seriously. At this point, I know that I need to take each day one at a time. What use is it to me to know how many days there are until it is June 7th again? My mind, in it's infinite wisdom, discards information that is really unnecessary for ensuring my happiness on this planet.
But sometimes I forget things that, when remembered, are amazing gifts. Like Cindy's high school nickname, Hoss. For some reason, she ended a "Fab 5 " email tonight with her old nickname. I burst out laughing. Not only did I completely forget her nickname, I cannot remember at all how she got it! But it was awesome nonetheless to go back to those days so long ago and visualize how we teased her with her nickname.
Connor asked me tonight not to yell. He said it turns off his attention. My response? Fine. Let him be the mother. Let him sweat all the details. Then I can relax. I can go to bed early with a book instead of making sure that the laundry is folded, the dishes are washed, that Luke is inside and going to bed. (As I write this at 10:30pm, he is outside by the fire pit with a lit citronella candle and his outdoor speakers blaring.) Fine. Let Connor be me. See what happens to his memory!
Monday, June 6, 2011
The Postmistress
June 6 -- I am almost finished with this book called The Postmistress by Sarah Blake. It's one of those books that you read and think, eh, not sure if I am digging this or not...and then you hit like page 176 and suddenly, out of nowhere, you are hooked. Badly.
I love those kind of books. Largely because it makes me happy that I kept reading instead of bagging it earlier on. And also because I am always quietly cheering for the author to pull it off. I have this soft side for writers, you know?
Anyway, this particular book is about World War 2 but it focuses on two things which are somewhat unusual -- it focuses on the time period before the United States got involved in the war and it concentrates primarily on women. It's a perspective that is unusual in the realm of WWII fiction and non-fiction. Having just completed the novel Unbroken about running legend and Japanese War Camp survivor Louis Zamperini, it's totally fascinating to read about the female angle. What I like in particular is how it makes me consider what it must have been like being an American who knew what was going on in Europe with the Jews long before the United States joined the war and its people decided that what was happening to the Jews in Europe was a monstrosity instead of a convenience. (Yes, amazingly, there was a strong anti-Jewish sentiment in the United States in the time period preceding the second world war.)
Reading a book like this re-awakens my dream to work on my book. I don't know if it will ever be done. But at the moment, I guess it's still okay to dream.
I love those kind of books. Largely because it makes me happy that I kept reading instead of bagging it earlier on. And also because I am always quietly cheering for the author to pull it off. I have this soft side for writers, you know?
Anyway, this particular book is about World War 2 but it focuses on two things which are somewhat unusual -- it focuses on the time period before the United States got involved in the war and it concentrates primarily on women. It's a perspective that is unusual in the realm of WWII fiction and non-fiction. Having just completed the novel Unbroken about running legend and Japanese War Camp survivor Louis Zamperini, it's totally fascinating to read about the female angle. What I like in particular is how it makes me consider what it must have been like being an American who knew what was going on in Europe with the Jews long before the United States joined the war and its people decided that what was happening to the Jews in Europe was a monstrosity instead of a convenience. (Yes, amazingly, there was a strong anti-Jewish sentiment in the United States in the time period preceding the second world war.)
Reading a book like this re-awakens my dream to work on my book. I don't know if it will ever be done. But at the moment, I guess it's still okay to dream.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
I Have No Time!!
June 5 -- I cannot even believe there is less than two weeks left of school. THe idea of Luke graduating, Tessa graduating from 8th...so much to do and so little time! Truly, I feel like I am standing in the ocean and I can see this really big wave coming toward me and so I stand in the sand and brace my legs, preparing my body to take the hit.
One thing that I keep doing is coming back to the "now" whenever I feel the now familiar tightening in the stomach, the rushed breath when I think about all that has to be done in the next two weeks. Never mind the fact that I have another writing deadline with work so quickly after the last one.
And so it goes. Even writing about it in this blog is sending my blood pressure up. So I take my breath, and remind myself that all I have right now is this moment. THis absolute very moment. And I try to advise myself not to get caught up in the "content" but to appreciate and observe the "space" surrounding the content. Planning the party? Going to all the end of year meetings, celebrations, etc.? Content. Breathing, and appreciating the comments, the beautiful weather? Space. That's what is important. My children are moving ahead, as my dear friend Laura reminded me so long ago. "How can we be sad about their graduations, their new college adventures? They are moving in the right direction." This is what she said to me when I asked her how she felt dropping off her oldest at college. ANd I will never forget her words. It's true. The gift is watching their growth. And not getting too caught up in how they got there.
One day at a time. One moment at a time.
One thing that I keep doing is coming back to the "now" whenever I feel the now familiar tightening in the stomach, the rushed breath when I think about all that has to be done in the next two weeks. Never mind the fact that I have another writing deadline with work so quickly after the last one.
And so it goes. Even writing about it in this blog is sending my blood pressure up. So I take my breath, and remind myself that all I have right now is this moment. THis absolute very moment. And I try to advise myself not to get caught up in the "content" but to appreciate and observe the "space" surrounding the content. Planning the party? Going to all the end of year meetings, celebrations, etc.? Content. Breathing, and appreciating the comments, the beautiful weather? Space. That's what is important. My children are moving ahead, as my dear friend Laura reminded me so long ago. "How can we be sad about their graduations, their new college adventures? They are moving in the right direction." This is what she said to me when I asked her how she felt dropping off her oldest at college. ANd I will never forget her words. It's true. The gift is watching their growth. And not getting too caught up in how they got there.
One day at a time. One moment at a time.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Good Dream Goes Bad at the Fundraiser :)
June 4 -- Tonight there was a fundraiser. I had to go solo because Brian went to Matt's stag. I really wanted to just stay home with the kids but I wanted to support Lori who worked so hard to make it happen to help this little girl who has leukemia. Anyway, while I was there, I was putting some tickets in the teacup raffle baskets ( I never win but I always hope!) and then, I had this amazing teacup raffle moment. It was like nirvana. There on the floor on the dark side of the ballroom were four (four!) medium sized UConn jackets with hardly any tickets in them! It was like a dream come true. I bought extra tickets and put them in the baskets -- what a perfect gift for Luke!!!
They were supposed to pick the tickets at 10pm. By 9:30pm I was totally ready to leave but I was so hopeful -- with hardly any tickets in those baskets, I was sure to win! I was already imagining Luke's grin...
Silly me. Why do I allow myself to hope for these stupid material things?!! Don't I know better? Didn't my yoga teacher just today teach us the meaning of peace and how it is not related to things? Ughhhh! No. Like Lucy and Charlie Brown with the football, I stayed at that dance -- exhausted, head pounding because sometime, sometime, they were finally going to pick those tickets!! But the night wore on, the people kept dancing and nobody picked the tickets to determine the winners. As far as I knew, the raffle period was done. Just like it was at all the other teacup raffles I had been to over the years. They closed it after a period of time, picked the winners and then you could stay and dance or go home.
And so I stayed. And stayed. Until 11pm. And that's when the dream turned bad. I still see her -- Sandy M - a close friend of Lori's, the event organizer, hunched over the UConn Jacket baskets with a huge fist-full of raffle tickets. She had this excited glimmer in her eyes as she stuffed each basket. I went over to her. "It's 11:00 pm" I said. "Isn't this part closed? Aren't they picking the tickets now?" "Oh no," she answered giddily. "You can still buy tickets! I didn't even know these jackets were here!" she giggled and turned around and stuffed another ten tickets into the basket.
It's totally stupid, I know. But if I had seen her stuffing those baskets at 9pm when everyone else was doing it instead of sneaking in under the wire because Lori couldn't get to the raffle baskets earlier like she planned to do, I bet I would have won. Additionally, (and most importantly) I would have conceded the victory to my opponent and left earlier like I wanted to!!! But I stayed...like a stupid child, waiting for the possible prize. Only to get zamboozled by an unknown opponent in the 11th hour.
Will I ever learn?? I don't know. I really don't know. In the scheme of things, it's not important. But considering how exhausted I am -- yeah. I guess I was kind of pissed! And Luke would have looked so cute in that jacket... :)
They were supposed to pick the tickets at 10pm. By 9:30pm I was totally ready to leave but I was so hopeful -- with hardly any tickets in those baskets, I was sure to win! I was already imagining Luke's grin...
Silly me. Why do I allow myself to hope for these stupid material things?!! Don't I know better? Didn't my yoga teacher just today teach us the meaning of peace and how it is not related to things? Ughhhh! No. Like Lucy and Charlie Brown with the football, I stayed at that dance -- exhausted, head pounding because sometime, sometime, they were finally going to pick those tickets!! But the night wore on, the people kept dancing and nobody picked the tickets to determine the winners. As far as I knew, the raffle period was done. Just like it was at all the other teacup raffles I had been to over the years. They closed it after a period of time, picked the winners and then you could stay and dance or go home.
And so I stayed. And stayed. Until 11pm. And that's when the dream turned bad. I still see her -- Sandy M - a close friend of Lori's, the event organizer, hunched over the UConn Jacket baskets with a huge fist-full of raffle tickets. She had this excited glimmer in her eyes as she stuffed each basket. I went over to her. "It's 11:00 pm" I said. "Isn't this part closed? Aren't they picking the tickets now?" "Oh no," she answered giddily. "You can still buy tickets! I didn't even know these jackets were here!" she giggled and turned around and stuffed another ten tickets into the basket.
It's totally stupid, I know. But if I had seen her stuffing those baskets at 9pm when everyone else was doing it instead of sneaking in under the wire because Lori couldn't get to the raffle baskets earlier like she planned to do, I bet I would have won. Additionally, (and most importantly) I would have conceded the victory to my opponent and left earlier like I wanted to!!! But I stayed...like a stupid child, waiting for the possible prize. Only to get zamboozled by an unknown opponent in the 11th hour.
Will I ever learn?? I don't know. I really don't know. In the scheme of things, it's not important. But considering how exhausted I am -- yeah. I guess I was kind of pissed! And Luke would have looked so cute in that jacket... :)
Friday, June 3, 2011
Fruit Flies Etc.
June 3 -- As if we don't have enough weird stuff on our plate, the house has just exploded with an invasion of fruit flies. Usually they are confined to the kitchen if a banana gets too ripe but noooooo they are everywhere -- most notably in my office. They are driving me bonkers!
So I went on line and found a home remedy -- putting out a bowl of cider vinegar with dish soap. As I type this, I am feeling kind of nauseous from the smell. Drinking white wine at the same time probably isn't helping too much either.
with all the drama of Tessa's 8th grade dance today -- I don't care. I need the wine!
Hopefully, this cider vinegar/dish soap thing works because I am just going insane with these bugs.
So I went on line and found a home remedy -- putting out a bowl of cider vinegar with dish soap. As I type this, I am feeling kind of nauseous from the smell. Drinking white wine at the same time probably isn't helping too much either.
with all the drama of Tessa's 8th grade dance today -- I don't care. I need the wine!
Hopefully, this cider vinegar/dish soap thing works because I am just going insane with these bugs.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Yays and Boos
June 2 -- Today was a beautiful day, not to hot but warm enough to feel good. The sun was out and a nice cool wind was blowing.
But so many other things going on...Luke's birthday celebrations (yay), a nice walk by the river early in the morning (yay), a really good day at work with my communication students getting interviewed (yay), Tessa calling to say she is sick (boo), Brian taking her to the doctor's to see if she has strep (yay for Brian taking her while I was stuck at work, boo for Tessa being considered for strep), Tessa getting antibiotics for strep and sinus infection (boo), Tessa freaking out because she feels awful and doesn't think she will be able to go to her graduation dance at school tomorrow night (boo), seeing Aaron tonight when he came over to say Happy Birthday to Luke (yay), Luke having a nice birthday (yay), me getting a nice haircut and color (yay), Tessa calling me up to her room because she can't sleep (boo) my hair dresser Denise telling me she was just diagnosed with breast cancer (total boo.)
I feel like an emotional yo-yo. And so it goes.
But so many other things going on...Luke's birthday celebrations (yay), a nice walk by the river early in the morning (yay), a really good day at work with my communication students getting interviewed (yay), Tessa calling to say she is sick (boo), Brian taking her to the doctor's to see if she has strep (yay for Brian taking her while I was stuck at work, boo for Tessa being considered for strep), Tessa getting antibiotics for strep and sinus infection (boo), Tessa freaking out because she feels awful and doesn't think she will be able to go to her graduation dance at school tomorrow night (boo), seeing Aaron tonight when he came over to say Happy Birthday to Luke (yay), Luke having a nice birthday (yay), me getting a nice haircut and color (yay), Tessa calling me up to her room because she can't sleep (boo) my hair dresser Denise telling me she was just diagnosed with breast cancer (total boo.)
I feel like an emotional yo-yo. And so it goes.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
18 Years Ago I was in Labor right now...
June 1 -- Luke turns 18 in just a few hours. At this time, 18 years ago, I was in labor trying to push the boy out. (They ended up using one of those vacuum things to suck him out.) I was trying to push but it was my first kid and apparently, I was not a natural pusher. The nurse told me so. She said I wasn't good at pushing. The competitor in me got kind of pissed at that but really, after hours and hours of painful labor, I really couldn't fight anymore. But...he did eventually make it out into this world, healthy and adorable, thank God.
It's just really unbelievable to think I have a child who is 18 years old. Somebody who can vote. It's crazy. But it's nice too -- he is growing up to be a very amazing young man. And I am so happy for him. Scared to see him move farther and farther away from me. But happy as well. After all. He is moving in the right direction. I raised him to leave the nest. I just didn't stop to think how much that would hurt. Oh well. This too shall pass. :)
It's just really unbelievable to think I have a child who is 18 years old. Somebody who can vote. It's crazy. But it's nice too -- he is growing up to be a very amazing young man. And I am so happy for him. Scared to see him move farther and farther away from me. But happy as well. After all. He is moving in the right direction. I raised him to leave the nest. I just didn't stop to think how much that would hurt. Oh well. This too shall pass. :)
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