June 12 -- When life gets stressful and difficult, I try to focus on the many wonderful things around me that I am grateful for. Sometimes it's little things like watching Lily run down the driveway with her ears flopping wildly. Other times it's looking at a room that is cleaned and un-cluttered or a pile of freshly washed laundry folded and ready to be put away. A bird resting at the bird feeder, a shock of color on the ground -- a newly planted flower spicing up the garden. My children laughing. Luke driving down the driveway just before curfew, his headlights rounding the curve and heading toward the garage.
Today, and last night, my moment of gratitude came when I watched Tessa perform with her pointe dance class during their recital. Last night was great with all the boys there -- and Luke even bought his sister some flowers. I am extremely subjective of course but omigod Tessa looked so unbelievably gorgeous up there on the stage. I don't know anything about the formal issues connected with dance but I thought that even though it was her first year of pointe, she did really, really well. I loved how, when she raised and extended her arms, you could see the defined muscles on her back and shoulders. She was so graceful and when the curtains closed, she was in the front, teetering on her toes like a classical ballerina, her neck long as she gazed upward dramatically at her two hands curved elegantly over her head. Stunning. She just took my breath away and I was so unbelievably proud of her. Naturally, I am speaking as a mother, pure and simple but it was a great moment of joy and peace to watch her dance and I was very grateful for being there. And yeah, I got teary eyed. It was hard not to. It's a mom thing to do!
So when my brother erupts in a fit of anger and yells at me for some bizarre, psycho reason, (like he did today when I was driving to the recital) I am going to think about Tessa up on that stage. I am going to say a prayer for his crazy anger and hope that he finds peace in his world which is filled with so much anger that he has to scream at his sister to release it. And as I absorb the impact of his verbal fist, and try to calm him down with reason, (because he has, once again, misinterpreted and over-reacted to a comment I had made) I am going to remember how blessed I am with all of these numerous, amazing gifts of love and joy in my life. Thank God.
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