May 8 -- I had a really nice day today, all things considered. Every year I hold my breath on Mothers Day because I always feel like the hype raises my expectations too high. The day always starts with sweetness and appreciation and little comments like, "oh, you can't do the dishes, it's Mothers Day!" And then, within, say, a couple of hours, suddenly it's just a regular day and everyone is fighting and I am in the bathroom, disinfecting the toilet and wiping down the counters.
But today, the kids were pretty good. They got me a Kindle which I am totally psyched about . (but I will still buy hard covers of classic books...) Actually, Brian bought the Kindle. Luke got me a Whitman Sampler with a really nice note he wrote on the wrapping paper. It was actually kind of nice because for the first time ever, he showed um, a genuine personal reflection and a mature appreciation for my efforts on his behalf. (Like with the college stuff this past year!)
And Brian and I went on a 20 mile bike ride with our new bikes. I loved it. Except for the fact that my lower back hurt...I think I pulled a muscle when I started the ride...I was so scared on the hills cuz I was flying down them!! I was so stiff, the bike started to wobble. But I am going to save that analysis (my fear of the fast part) for a later day.
I think about Brianna every Mother's Day. (And most other days too but more intensely on Mothers Day.) I wonder. Does she know I am her mother? I feel like she is with me, I really do. But I still have moments when I have doubts. It's the whole doubt/faith thing and really, I don't think I will ever know the answer for certain. I guess that just has to be okay. And it is.
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