This is so Hard to Do!!

May 5 -- Cinco de Mayo.   I have been writing this blog since January 1st.  That's a lot of entries.  Actually, I have lasted a lot longer than I thought I would.  Whenever I sit down to write, I truly have no idea what I am going to write.  I hit the button for "new post" and there in front of me is the new blank screen for me to fill up.  Sometimes (mostly) an idea hits me fairly quickly.  Other times I balk.  And every once in awhile, I can't think of anything at all.  Like tonight.

I truly have so much going on -- kid graduating, other kids with tons of activities of their own, interviewing for a job that i know I would be awesome at but competing against many other candidates who could probably do a great job as well...yeah, I have a lot of anxious situations going on right now.  But I don't feel like opening them up for inspection at the moment.

A student in my communications class was having fun at her track meet today.  Suddenly she got a text or call telling her that her dad had just had a heart attack.  Apparently, he was at her brother's baseball game when it happened.  When I heard the news, I thought of two things.  One was how young he was.  From what I understand, he is the same age as Brian.  The next thing I thought about was how, when we started the class, we talked about how she sees herself as the classic "middle child"  or "invisible" one.  (not sure if she has an older sibling.)  Apparently, her brother, the baseball player, is the star of the family.  I don't know much more than that.  Maybe she is like my own daughter and many other girls her age and she is simply being over-dramatic.  Or maybe it's true.  Maybe her parents really do dote on her brother, the baseball boy.  Either way, the second thing I thought about was how she was at that track meet.  And her father was with her brother.  I wondered, if he had died, would she resent that he wasn't with her?  Wasn't watching her?

Fortunately, from what I understand, he is going to be okay.  I am glad.  I think about my kids, how we try to be there for everyone.  I hope none of my kids ever feel that I or Brian focus more on one than the others.  I don't think they will.  But it's hard.  It's really, really hard.  Just like writing this blog is hard.  Although, as happens often with writing, once I started to get going, it definitely got a lot easier.  One word at a time.   Same with parenting.  One day at a time.