Almost a Year!!

December 30 -- I can't believe it's been a year since I started this blog.  So much has happened in this past year -- I started a new job, my oldest went off to college, we started to PAY for college, our house had a series of "falling apart" dramas (which unfortunately seem to be continuing!) and many other things.  But mostly the year seems like a total blur.  Which, in a way, is a good thing about this blog.  Even though I missed some days (tired, out late, on vacation and, of course lacking power during the October/November power outage) there are lots and lots of entries which provide testimony to a year filled with many wonderful (and not so wonderful things.)

The older I get, the more I feel like a I am losing my ability to remember what happens in my life.  That makes me sad.  So I guess I am really, really glad I did this project.  Not sure if I will continue it...but i have to say that the one thing it does do is that it forces me to write.  Something that I really love to do.  So maybe I will push myself to keep on writing.  We'll see...

Lily Gets Attacked

December 28 -- Lily got attacked by the neighborhood dog again tonight.  Connor was walking her with his cousin who had just arrived for a holiday visit from PA.  The neighbor's white dog got loose and then their husky (who has attacked Lily before) quickly followed, breaking through the electric fence.  She pounced on Lily and on Connor who was hovering over the dog, yelling.  When he let go of the leash, Lily escaped and ran down our driveway to the house.   Unbelievable.  This is the third time this dog has attacked Lily but this was also the worst.  She ended up at the vet because we couldn't stop the bleeding.  She had been bitten eight times which required 10 staples to suture the wounds.  The poor thing has a cone on her head and is limping throughout the house, tail valiantly wagging.  Gotta love this dog.

But I am so mad.  I want to call the authorities.  Our dog was on a leash.  On our street.  What the heck, we can't even take our dog for a walk?!!  I know the owners are feeling badly and they told us they would pay for the vet (which I won't believe till I see the check.  Sorry, I am being realistic here.)

Lily just came in as I was typing this.  Her plastic cone just banged against the desk;  that's how I knew it was her.  This totally sucks.  Totally.  I feel so helpless.

Watching 24 with the kids

December 28th - corrected a couple of papers today, tookLuke shopping,went to a totally amazing spinning class and. NOw I am watching season 3 of 24. Oh yeah, Tessa made dinner for us tonight. As far as I'm concerned, this vacation rocks!

Watching a Movie...on a weeknight!

December 27 --  I watched Bridesmaids tonight with Luke and Connor and Brian.  On a Tuesday night nonetheless...and with Brian having to go to work tomorrow.  How radical!  Seriously, it felt so good to not have to worry about getting up early tomorrow.  I am doing nothing right now and it feels awesome.  Okay, not nothing.  Today Tessa and I cleaned out her drawers and closet and swept and vacuumed (she still has dusting tomorrow -- I'm not talking about miracle work here after all.)  But it was great to do something that I have wanted to do for a long, long, time.  We filled four shopping bags with clothes that either she wouldn't wear anymore or didn't fit into.  Four bags!    I know it seems weird but I feel so much lighter now...I even started to tackle the folders and piles of papers on my desk in my office.  (but I didn't get very far.  I can't rush all of this hard work;  it's exhausting!!)

I can just see myself standing in front of a class and telling the kids what a great week I had because I purged and cleaned my daughter's room.  Hey, I never said I was normal did I??  :)

My new smart phone

December 26 - I think that it's only appropriate that as this year of blogging comes to a close I would enter an even more adventurous realm of technology (for me anyway!)and so I finally gave up my ancient cell phone and got a smart one. Which I am now using to type this entry-yay me. There is so much to learn and I swear that as soon as I figure out one thing there is a new thing to learn! Oh well...at least I figured out how to do this on my phone. Kind of cool- or should I say smart?! Haha.

WInter Break Finally Arrives

December 23 -- I have realized that over the last couple of days I cannot complete sentences.  I start a comment and suddenly, mid-sentence, my voice kind of loses steam and suddenly, I can't even finish the sentence.  I am utterly exhausted and I honestly cannot remember ever being this tired.  I knew it would be hard to go back to work full time and maintain a somewhat firm grip on motherhood but wow... I am majorly out of shape.  For obvious reasons, this deficiency in stamina is highlighted during the holiday season which can tax the energy levels of even the most mellow and under-scheduled of moms.  

Tonight we finish wrapping gifts and then...tomorrow is Christmas Eve.  And my dad's birthday.  I saw him tonight when I went over to my parents to help set up for Christmas Eve dinner.  At one point I came downstairs and found him stealing some pretzels from the snack jar my mom has on the desk.  "Hey," I said, interrupting the theft. "I will see you tomorrow Dad."  And he looked at me, all confused.  "Why?  What's tomorrow?"  I just shook my head and smiled.  "Dad, it's your birthday."    He just laughed.  "Oh yeah?!"  he asked.   It's a fascinating concept to consider living a life where you have no clue you are getting older.  Not something I am living right now -- I am totally aware of my aging body and mind.  Now off to find the tape for wrapping...

Cookie Boss

December 22 -- I am so grateful to TLC (I think it's TLC) and its show, Cake Boss.  Tessa and RIley were addicted to it last summer and they are constantly watching the new shows when they get a chance.  The result is that Riley has decided he is a mini Buddy.  Except Riley's specialty is cookies instead of cakes.  I just knew my lack of baking interest was killing him, especially with the holidays approaching.  So for the last two days I have been determined to set aside time at night to bake cookies.  He is such a hoot with his "new concoctions."  I especially liked his butterscotch rice crispy morsels with a "ganache" (his word) topping.  Tessa was like, "ummmm hello Riley, that is NOT ganache."   He just grinned and quietly hid the Toll House chocolate morsel bag behind the napkins.

So now I have about 60 chocolate peanut clusters cooling on the counter.  Tomorrow morning I will pack them and put them into the freezer.  I feel like I am FINALLY getting into the holiday spirit.  Riley and I wore our Santa hats and cranked up the volume on the Christmas tunes while we baked and cleaned the kitchen.  Now I am sitting by myself in the office.  Luke is still at work, Brian is out and the other kids are in bed.  As I write this, Lily is lying asleep near my feet and the Mannheim Steam Orchestra is belting holiday tunes out of my one remaining (working) stereo speaker.  Ho, ho, ho.

Falling Apart Continues...Got Glue?

December 21 -- So I had a total meltdown tonight on the phone with my mother.  She called me all crazy about how I have to go over TOMORROW to help her set the tables for Christmas Eve because my sister can only go tomorrow and can't come over on Friday with works better for me.  I can't go on THursday.  I just can't.  Luke wants to go with me to help and he is working tomorrow night and so like, NO.  So she starts yelling at me and I start yelling back which is totally stupid because I am 48 and my mother is 83 and she still gets on my nerves like I am frigging 16 again.  Which is just pathetic actually.

But I am tired and she is a pain in the ass even if she does have to take care of a man with Alzheimer's.  Seriously.  She like, hung up on me.  I was like, ummmmm, hello?  Are you really asking for my help cuz it sure as hell doesn't seem like it.  ughhh.

Falling Apart

December 20 -- As the holiday draws closer and closer...my children seem to be falling apart.  (along with their mother.)  Tessa is stressing about "completely forgetting everything form her math chapter" and having to go after school to prep for a test tomorrow.  Riley is in melt down mode.  He went to bed and started to sob.  (Tessa came downstairs and gave me a heads up.)  I knew it...he just seemed off tonight.  Turns out he got an 84 on his math test in school and was upset because he broke his A+ streak.  (The kid is NOTHING like his older brother, Laid Back Luke.)

     Connor was pissed because at the United Way Youth Board meeting, the girl who came after him in the holiday Yankee Swap took his $15 iTunes gift card and left him with a $10 Dunkin Donuts card and a snowman Christmas ornament.  "I hate Dunkin Donuts," he said as he slipped into the car.  "Let's just go and spend this as soon as possible."  As I drove off, shaking my head in wonder at this newfound Dunkin Donuts animosity, he dangled the ornament in the air.  "And I got this ornament.  I hate Christmas ornaments.'   I was like, whoaaaaaa.  Somebody's gotta plan an intervention for this family of mine.  Little too much drama and overreacting to basically stupid things.  (Although I am totally grumpy about school right now.  I am thinking about what would happen if I quit...)

I think we all could use some R & R...  But really?  We have to learn to deal with this stress right now.  Starting with Riley not being upset about his math score.  (I think I helped him with that as we laid together in his bed and compared his 84 to the Packer's losing to the Chiefs last Sunday and snapping their winning streak.  Sometimes, ya just gotta take a hit to gain perspective.)  As for Connor and his grumpiness about the Dunkin Donuts gift certificate, I suggested that he use it in the family Yankee Swap at Christmas.  And as for my issue with teaching?  Not sure how to deal with that.  One day at a time, I guess.  In the meantime, I said to Brian tonight, " I don't care if I am not the best teacher with the most done.  My family comes first."  And as I held my crying son in my arms and thought about the papers waiting for me downstairs I held my resolve.  Family first.  For sure.

So Tired...

December 19 -- Mondays are notoriously bad but Mondays before a holiday break are the worst.  The kids were so off with their work effort and their behavior, it was nuts.  And I am no day at the beach either.  I am just exhausted and overwhelmed and cranky.  Tonight we went to Costco to pick up some cookies for Christmas.  I felt like a loser buying my tin of cookies and bags of chocolates.  I don't have time to bake.  Truly.  We have something going on every night this week.  We thought Luke would help us with driving but it turns out he has to work till 11pm every night this week.  Major bummer.

I am really looking forward to some r & r next week...but trying not to put too much excitement into it because I know it will go by in a flash.

Just want to sleep...

Lesson Plans

December 18 -- I spent the day today doing research and creating my lesson plans for this week.  I know the kids are going to be off the wall since it's the week before a holiday break but I want to know what I am talking about when I am up in front of them no matter what mood they are in.  And that requires doing research.  The weird thing is that today (earlier in the day) I felt like I had things totally under control...I thought I would be creating my plans faster than ever.  What a joke.  I never finish quickly.  There is just too much to juggle and I am slow, slow, slow.  For example, I might be looking for something to start Act II of the Crucible and so I do some research.  And oh, how cool, I find something to give the students even more information about the play and about the Salem Witch trials.  (Like the different ways they tortured people to see if they were witches.)  So I create a hand out.  But when I go back to my plans, I realize I have to juggle a few things to make it fit.  And so I have to re-do the plans, put the quiz on another day...and so on and so forth until whoa, it's another hour gone by.  Ughhhh.  But at the end of the night when I am done, it feels so good to have things in order, to be excited about the coming week.  (sort of anyway!)

I am doing something with my seniors this week that nobody has done before.  We are using the auditorium to show film trailers which they made and showing them to an audience of nearly 80 sixth graders.  (who will judge them!)  I am so excited and nervous at the same time.  But I think it will be a totally cool experience that they will remember... for a while anyway!

I read a quote tonight that made me think about this funky new project.   It has to do with laughing at new ideas.  Not that anyone has laughed at me but I have gotten a couple of funny looks.  Anyway,the quote goes like this:  “If people are not laughing at your dreams at least once a week, you are aiming too low.” Robin Sharma.     (Something to think about anyway!)

What Is The POint of Christmas Anyway?!

December 17 -- I do realize that I sound like a total Scrooge right now and I completely don't care because I am entirely disgusted with the whole Christmas gig.  I spent a ton more money today buying...I really don't know what I bought.  Since Brian's birthday was in November, I used up all of my creative gift picking strategies and I honestly have like, nothing left for Christmas.  I walked up and down the aisles of the store this afternoon literally throwing random things into my cart to give him.  It was stupid.  And I am stressed.  And that's why I keep asking myself, what is the point of Christmas? Yes, it's Jesus Christ's birth.  Then...why are we buying each other gifts?  Why aren't we just buying Jesus some gifts?  I'm pretty sure He could use a new wallet...or maybe an iPod.  Listen to some music and chill...

Seriously.  I am so anxious about what to buy for everybody.  This year, Connor and my niece both turned 16.  So they are off the kid gift list.  But Tessa heard that my sister bought Connor a "little something" so now, of course I have to buy a "little something" for my niece.  So today, I spent -- no lie-- nearly an hour searching for the right "little something."  I stood there, at Marshalls, in the Bath and Spa aisle trying to decide between a bottle of hair conditioner (a deep conditioning masque) and a soap from France with a built in loofah.  It was agonizing.  And a complete waste of time.  I ended up buying the damn conditioner and, fearing I wasn't spending enough, threw in some soap/mousse thing.   So crazy.  Woohoo, best time of the year.  Not.

The only thing I am looking forward to is having a nice meal with my family, hanging out with the kids, and not getting up early for work for a whole week.  Yayyyyy.    But now I have to think about Christmas cookies.  Crap.   I am soooooo not baking this year.  No way.

Late Night at Bookclub

December 16 -- Tonight was book club.  I really like our book club.  It's so fun to see everyone and catch up, a little at least.  I wish we met more.  But it's really late and I am tired so that's all I am writing tonight.

I Visit My Lukie...

December 15 --  I was missing Luke a lot these last few days as I considered how he was both studying for his first set of college exams and juggling his job at the same time.  When we called him (always our effort, he never called here!) he sounded okay, just tired.  But I didn't know for sure.  So we baked him cookies.   Brian thought he could drop them off during the week.  But he didn't.  Too busy at work.  So the cookies sat on the counter.  Fortunately, they were cake batter cookies which always taste better after a few days.  Then yesterday, Riley baked a batch of chocolate chip cookies and I made an impulsive decision to drive out to see Luke and give him the cookies.  Riley and Tessa came along.

When I laid eyes on him I had one thought.  He needs a haircut.  Other than that, he looked and acted just like Luke.  Mellow, sweet, low-key.  I asked him if he was stressed and he shook his head no.  Paused, and then quietly said, "Yes.  Yeah, I'm stressed."   I have to say that I felt for him when we got in the car to drive away.  I tried so hard to be all laid back.  "You will be fine," I told him.  "Go study."   But then he tensed up.  Apparently he forgot to submit his timecard for work and it was due today.  I wanted to help him but he backed away and held up has hands.  "I got it, Mom," he said.  "I got it."  

Ughhhh.  I hope he does.  Even if he doesn't, it's all part of life.  He will learn.   In the meantime, I look forward to having him come home for winter break in a few days when the torment of finals is finally over.   I also look forward to giving him a haircut.  It's the least I can do.

Listerine on The Bathroom Rug

December 14 -- I had a revelation of sorts this morning and I have to say, it did not make me happy.  Instead, I guess it made me a little sad.  So I have to kind of process it a little bit...which will hopefully make me feel better.  (somehow.)

When RIley got out of the shower I stopped at the kids' bathroom door and knocked to give him a quick kiss goodbye before I bolted out the door for work.  He was mostly dressed so he opened the door and leaned forward to kiss me.  But then I heard the fan.  It sounded loud and rattlely  (word?)  So I went inside the bathroom and started to bang the plastic covering with my hand so the vibration noise stopped.  It didn't.  "Does it always sound that way?" I asked him.  He shook his head no.  "Ughhhhh.  Please tell Daddy," I said.  I had no time.  I couldn't stop to work on it longer.  As I headed out of the bathroom, I looked down at the bathroom mat and my heart sank.  Maybe a month ago, I noticed that (Tessa I think) spilled some green Listerine on the cream tufted bath rug in front of the sink.  It wasn't a huge mark, maybe the size of two quarters side by side.  But I cannot stand when the bath mats are dirty.  And when I saw the mark, I was like omg, I get nothing done around the house anymore!

As I ran down the stairs, my heart was in my stomach.  I do realize that it's just a small stain and not an earth shattering dilemna but to me, it means that my life at home is beyond my control.  The sad thing is I am so flipping tired I can't deal with it.  I ignore it.  And then...a month later, I notice it again.  And the quiet little voice in my mind says "what is the matter with you?  You used to have a clean house!"  My friend who is home full-time has a gorgeous house.  She is constantly making updates to make it more clean and more perfect.  My house is DEFINITELY imperfect.  That's a tough statement from someone who made money as an interior decorator.  But...I think this is my life lesson right now.  I think that the ability to ride the imperfection wave will make me a stronger and (ha) more perfect person.  Not that I am aiming for perfection.  Just a smidge more control.  (Which I am bright enough to realize is an elusive goal.)

Oh well.  Can't fault a girl for tryin'.  Maybe this weekend, I will do a load of bathmats.  The good news is we are getting company over the xmas break.  A good reason to bolster efforts at cleaning.  Well.  At least I will definitely go after the Listerine spot.  Soon.  Now onto the vacuum cleaning...

I've Got Nothing...

December 13 -- I truly have nothing to write about tonight.  I feel like my life is so complex right now, if I start thinking about it too intently, my brain freezes up.  And then if I talk about how I feel at the moment, I want to complain because I am so tired.  But I don't want to complain.  I am so sick of complaining.  Last week was a tough week at school.  This week is better.  But I still have my headache.  But I went to spinning tonight -- and it was great.  But then I came home and ate the coconut/walnut frosting on the German Chocolate cupcake one of my students gave me as an early Christmas present.  (The frosting was like the frosting my mom made when we were kids...it has evaporated milk in it.)  yeah.  So now I feel fat. Ughhh.  The pendulum swing of ups and downs!

On a good note, I went into my classroom tonight when Riley had basketball practice up at the school.  I asked Rich, the custodian, if he could let me in.  It was so quiet and I played my relaxing music on my laptop and I got sooooo much done!!  In one brief hour.  Psyched.  So that's a good thing.  Hmmmm.  Maybe I've got something after all.  :)

Pastitsio

December 12 --  Today I had a few hours after work where I truly didn't have anything pressing to do.  My grades were in, interim reports had been issued and I was done with my preps for tomorrow's classes.  So I did something I haven't done in a long, long time -- I cooked a really awesome dinner.  I don't know why I gravitated toward the amazing pastitsio recipe;  it's a fairly complicated meal that takes at least two to three hours to prepare and bake.  Maybe because it had been so long since I had cooked a meal that was both challenging and rewarding.  I just wanted to see if I could "ride the bike again."

Man, it felt good to be in the kitchen again.  I even celebrated and had half a glass of wine.  Until the headache came back...I don't know what is going on.  I was pain free for two days.  But at least I got the dinner in.  That's one great thing anyway.

Christmas Tree Shopping -- minus Luke

December 11 --   Today marked the first time we ever went out to pick our Christmas tree without one of the kids.  Since Luke comes home from school next Saturday and he is working on Sunday, we decided we would bite the bullet and head out for the annual tree selection trip without him.  Since there is always a drama and usually a fight (or two), we figured with one less kid, maybe it would go faster or, at the very least, without the usual sibling battles.

We were wrong.

On the way there, Tessa lied (she's extraordinarily gifted) to me in the car in front of everyone about something totally stupid and obvious.  Whatever.  Her choice.  My response was to tell her she was not going to lacrosse this afternoon.  Battle One.

Choosing the tree was nutty as always.  I found a good one right away but nobody wanted to take my choice.  It was too "quick."  Seriously?  Is there such a thing as "too quick" when it come to Christmas tree shopping?  As we trudged through the acres to assess the five hundred available potential victims, Tessa stepped squarely in the middle of a mud puddle and drenched her track shoes.  Why she was wearing them was beyond me but (as mentioned previously) she clearly was not thinking straight.  I was furious because she was going to need them for a track meet tomorrow.  Ughhh.

Lily was a maniac pulling on the leash and stress levels were rising so we suddenly decided to pick a tree which, quite frankly, had this massive gap between the branches.  But we all stared at it and, in desperation, firmly convinced ourselves that we saw no such gap.  Worst case scenario, we drill a hole in the trunk and jab a loose branch in there.  My dad taught me that one...

Connor quickly took a photo with a few of us standing next to the tree and sent it to Luke for his approval.  His answer came back later..."hard to say which tree I like;  I guess I will go with the one that shows half of my family."

And then we got the tree home but didn't have time to put it up.  On the machine was a frantic message from my mother.  So... an unplanned and sudden trip to my parent's house totally screwed up our schedule for tree trimming.   Alas, my mother was upset because in her zest to trim her Christmas tree (with clippers) she cut the wire for the lights.   Sigh.

Family Party

December 10 -- went to my brother Peter's house for a family gig.  It was nice seeing the fam but I always find myself wanting to leave after a while and ... never can.  So I am exhausted because it is really late -- nearly midnight -- and we just got home.  I don't know what it is about my family but I always have these moments where I just feel inadequate.  Whatever.  Tha'ts my "tape" and not the truth.  I can just as easily change the tape. 

Anyway...Thank God we didn't go in two cars because I would never have been able to drive all the way home without shutting my eyes...

Tessa's Concert Caps the Week

December 9 -- and the week...comes to a close.  Finally.  Between migraines and grumpy kids and even grumpier teachers (that would be me) I cannot even believe I have two days off before I have to go back to that classroom of mine.  Never mind the fact that I have to work on Sunday doing plans and have to correct papers tomorrow and log in the grades because interims go out next week but...it's in the convenience of my home.

What is killing me right now (besides the headaches) is that I watch the other teachers and I think that I am not working hard enough, not smart enough to come up with lessons to reach the kids.  I do know they are learning, I can see their enthusiasm, their effort in class and outside class (well...except for certain seniors who will remain nameless) but overall, I still don't know if I am pushing them hard enough.  If they will look back on this year and say, "yeah, my writing got better."  "I became a better reader."  See, one of the things that gets in the way is my very real desire to have them THINK better.  TO have them respect themselves and their abilities, to inspire them to believe in themselves.  That's what I want.  That's what I think of every day I stand in front of them.  Are they working to use their individual talents to make themselves better people?  HOw the hell do I know if I am helping them to do that?  I don't.  But I guess, for now, I don't stop trying.

And wow...Tessa's concert tonight was really nice.  It was cool to see my students up on stage with the chorus and the band.  Besides the fact that I almost passed out from exhaustion while we were waiting to hear them start, once the singers came on stage and the concert began...I was awake.  Appreciative of the talent.  It was, in fact, a perfect way to end a difficult week.

"Boring" Thursday...!

December 8 -- Thursday is over...yay.   What a ho hum day -- another basic day in the la la life of Tania the Teacher.   Let's see...I had a migraine during the second half of the day, I only got yelled at once by the librarian, I only had to yell at my juniors once,  (for the record, I yelled "shut-up" and it felt really, really good),  I only had to console one sobbing student (I was so sad I wanted to cry myself), only had to hold back one crowd of boys who wanted to follow a boy down the hall to view a pending fight, only had to call the nurse one time to re-program the defribulator that was activated during lunch by a student, only had to ask one student about his t shirt with Jaegermeister written on it (school rules = no booze tshirts.)  All in all...what a boring day. Yawn.

But tomorrow is Friday, thank God.    Seriously.   I am grateful to God and the world and to all who made the passage of time actually happen.  This week needs to come to an end.  Amen.

This Week is Moving Like Molasses

December 7 -- Yes.  I do realize that the last few blog entries (okay, maybe more of them then the last few) are all rather negative.  wtf.  I'm tired, I'm cranky, I have a lot to do and the kids at school (not my freshmen) are acting like losers.  Okay.  If I had to fine tune that assertion, I would say it was my seniors who were being the losers.  They aren't reading, they are way too disrespectful.  All of a sudden, they are horrendous.  And we are in the middle of a new project so I am having a really hard time reigning them in. The nature of the work they are doing requires flexibility on my part.  Screw that.  haha.


Seriously though, they are just annoying.  And I am annoyed.  This week, I don't like my job. The priest at the CCD service I took Connor to tonight said to write a list of gratitude.  Hmmmmmm.  I certainly can think of lots of stuff.  I'm just not in the mood right now.

I am blue...and the eggs don't stop!

December 6 -- I don't know what it is about the third week before a holiday but I swear I felt like this three weeks before Thanksgiving -- I am in such a bad mood!  And it is not just a day long thing...it's like this week is moving at the speed of molasses!  Thank God Larry canceled Tessa's trumpet lessons so Brian didn't have to take her and he was able to take Riley to basketball practice (and I stayed home to correct papers -- woo hoo.)    But tomorrow is just as full with stuff and ughhhhh, my students are being so annoying, especially my seniors!  Nobody is doing their work and I have this one student with a snotty, weird demeanor all of a sudden and I just don't feel like dealing with it.  Problem with teaching English is that you have to have conversations with the kids -- yuck.  I just want to sit at my desk and surf the internet!

Whatever.  I feel like I am making absolutely no sense.  I am just so sick of spending crazy sums of money to say, hey, I am celebrating Christmas.  And the list of charities to contribute to keeps growing and the chickens are laying so many freakin' eggs we can't find anybody to buy them.  So I have massive egg piles (all fresh, we get two dozen a day!!) on my counter.   I am too tired to sound the call and see if anyone wants them!

Anger and Exhaustion

December 5 -- I am not in a good place right now.  Having spent the weekend doing family things, I am facing a pile of papers to correct.  I corrected tonight and my eyes are weary along with my mind.  And then Luke calls and tells me he burned (from embers in a fire on a camping trip) his brand new North Face jacket.

I am furious.  I need a drink.

I Play Hooky...hookie?

December 3 -- I was supposed to get so much correcting done this weekend.  But I didn't.  Best laid plans of moms and wives and teachers...fall aglay.  I suck.  Seriously?   I don't think I do.  What the heck, can't I take one weekend off?!  And I really didn't totally take it off.  I corrected some papers.  I did my plans for this week.  (technically only had to do plans for two classes since my freshmen are in the library doing research all week.)  But still...I got the plans done.  So what if I spent the day with Brian helping him shop for a new car.  (He totally needed my input.)  I brought papers along.  Got a couple of them corrected.  (only 42 to go!!)  So there is something done for teaching right?  And, after a stop at the mall, I got almost all of my Christmas shopping done!!  Hooray for sure.  Doesn't that count for something?   And then...well...I had to watch the Green Bay Packers extend their winning streak to 15 wins in a row didn't I?  I am sure that my support did much to help them beat the Giants.  It was such a close game, they really needed my cheers to guarantee a win.   haha.

All in all, I'd say it was a very productive weekend...in the family/homefront anyway.  But in the teaching arena?   ughhhhhh.  I am going to have to kick some serious ass in the correcting department this week!  Oh well, such is life.

Riley's LEgo Robotics Adventure

December 3 --  Spent the day at a local middle school where Riley and his teammates capped their 8 week long preparation with a great performance in the statewide Lego Robotics competition.  I have to say that it was an awesome experience for Riley.  He literally threw himself into the program going to school an hour early and staying two hours after school.  For the last two weeks, he did this every day.  The way he organized his research, created his product and lead his teammates was amazing.  The best thing though was watching all of the kids interact with each other today.  A motley crew, they are kids who would probably never really hang out with each other but when they worked together as a team, they all respected each other's "expertise" in the competition.    Since they are a young team, the students who were the lead robot programmers lacked the experience to get the team to the next level but they did win an award -- The People's Choice Award -- for being the team who seemed most like a team with great attitudes and excellent sportsmanship.  It was awesome.

I think the best part about it was seeing their brains at work...very cool.

Speaking of working brains...mine is so tired!!  But I stopped at Barnes and Noble tonight to get a copy of the latest Wally Lamb book for our upcoming book club meeting.  And they were sold out.  A shout out to my dear friend Lori who has a copy -- are ya done with it yet?!  Can I borrow it soon?!

I totally miss Lori.  Definitely one of the worst parts about working full time...

Migraine...

December 2 -- Just in time for the holiday craziness, I got my first migraine headache since I started teaching.  It started yesterday -- they typically last for two or three days.    I have been lucky actually;  I usually get them every month.  During the summer, I mentioned the headaches I get to my doctor and she told me they were hormonal migraines.  She prescribed a pill but I never took them.  Till this morning.  Thank goodness I had them because I was able to get through the day of teaching.  But now my vision is blurry...the pain is back again.  I don't know why though, I feel my headaches aren't as bad as other people's.   It hurts but if I close or squint my eyes, I can still function. This probably makes no sense at all but maybe that's because it feels like someone is hitting my right eye with a ball peen hammer.    I truly have lost the ability to think straight.

Yipes.

Pass

December 1 --  I have been writing this blog all year.  With the exception of a few nights on vacation, the week we were out of power and the night I was away with Brian at the Horizon's gala, I have written something every night.  I surprised myself with this effort.  Tonight though, I am feeling even more tired than usual so I am taking a "pass".  It's only 8:30pm but I am going to bed.

Creating a Witch Hunt

November 30 --We spent the day today at our high school jumping through scheduling hoops to make sure the Names Can Really Hurt Us campaign was carried out for the junior and sophomore classes.  All day long the kids were not in their regularly scheduled classes so that they could hear about the "art" of bullying, testimonials about being bullied and apologies from kids who bullied others.  It was quite emotional and very, very long.  Half of the kids who stood up and spoke did so because they just wanted to be up in front of a captive audience.

Overall, I thought it was really sad.  It was sad hearing the stories.  It was equally sad hearing the kids make up things to talk about, to overdramatize their life experiences to project themselves as the ultimate victims.  One kid stood up and said, "So...I am Jewish.  And um.... uh....yeah."  He then went on to offer his support to anyone who needed it.  But I kept coming back to his opening comment.  What was he doing?  What was he trying to accuse people of doing?  Is it bad to call someone Jewish?  Is it a bad thing to be Jewish?  I have no idea ...

So I was thinking that what we did today was create a modern day witch hunt.  The kids are soooo jazzed about bullies and allies and perpetrators  (the lingo was hammered into them),  I truly feel that if I walked down the hallway and uttered the word "gay" I would be reported to the anti-bullying police.  It's the Salem witch trials all over again with the kids pointing their accusatory fingers at each other.   What bothers me is that I feel like the kids are missing out on a lot of great curriculum that we are prepared to share with them.  Instead of training in reading and writing and math and science,  they are getting hours of  training about stuff they already know.  When the day is done, I believe that teaching kids how to be nice is a parent's responsibility.  Of course the teachers should enforce it.  But the primary morality instructor should be the parent.   Parents who don't teach their kids to be nice and respectful are losers and they shouldn't be parents in the first place.  Ahhhhhh.  I better be careful.  I sound like a bully.

Luke's Email...

November 29 -- Luke (who was in a LOT of trouble on Sunday) sent me an email apology today.  I have to say that it was beautifully written.  It seriously brought tears to my eyes.  I am still upset with him and sad about what he did but I totally forgive him.  How could I not?  His words were heartfelt and sweet.  And right on the money.  He took total ownership for his transgression.   Since he left home for college, Luke's emails and his birthday cards have been unbelievably eloquent.  At long last, he has become a writer.

Here is a confession of my own.  When I read it, I seriously wondered if he hadn't hired someone to write it for him.  And was it bullshit?  Was he totally sweet talking me?  Ahhhhhh.  Maybe?  Or maybe not.  who knows?  I guess, truth be known, I really don't care. When I read his words,  I was grateful.   Time to move on.  From my perspective, that's what forgiveness (and parenting) is all about.

So... I guess this means I have to add him back to the shopping list and start thinking about what to get him for Christmas.  Sigh.

Crazy Schedules & Fire Drills

November 28 -- Work is unbelievably stressful right now but not for the obvious reasons normally connected with teaching.  Not because the kids are getting wired for the holiday season and aren't doing their homework.  Not because I have lots and lots of prep work...and then there is the correcting.  No.  It's because the administrators keep popping these feel good assemblies into the schedule along with various other "pride" inspiring meetings that disrupt the schedule and create chaos.  Truly.  Every week there is one if not two major disruptions to the schedule.  And of course, don't forget all of the fire drills.  Apparently we are required to have ten of them in a school year.  Ten?!!  When we were growing up, we had maybe three.  Enough to learn the drill.  But ten?   I am 99% positive that parents do not realize that their kids' school schedules are disrupted ten times per year for fire drills.  I am curious what they would think if they did.  I know that as a parent, I think ten is way over the top.  But I am a teacher for goodness sake.  I believe the kids should be in the classroom as much as possible.  God forbid they should be there long enough to actually learn something.

Although... I guess it could be argued that they probably have mastered the art of the fire drill.  By the time they get through public school (not counting kindergarten) ...that's 120 fire drills.  Wow.

Mad at the Blog Site

November 27 --   I spent all day working, literally from the time I got up until now at 9:30pm.  I realize it's a blessing to have a job but I was exhausted from all the Thanksgiving stuff and dealing with Luke today and his bad timing with a really bad adolescent decision.  I was like, really Luke?  This had to come out today?!!    I wasn't in the mood to be a parent.  I needed to focus on schoolwork for God's sake.  I had a stomach ache all day and I couldn't stop crying.  I just miss my Sundays to get stuff done and maybe...do nothing.

Yes, I get that once this year is over, next year will be easier -- at least I will have the experience under my belt and I will know (to a degree) what to expect.  But I am just cranky and I don't like the holidays.  Bah humbug.

To add to the humbugness...I just typed a fairly long entry and then all of a sudden - whap!!! -- it disappeared and was replaced by a new Safari page with a stupid pop-up ad on it.  And I had to type something all over again.  Not diggin' that at all.

So I am mad at the blog tonight.  And done with writing.  For now.

Christmas Season Blues

November 26 -- First of all, it occurred to me that I have no clue what the date is anymore.  Today I was at the store and I peaked at the receipt to find out the date.  I was shocked to discover that it was the 26th because I vaguely remembered typing "November 27th" on my entry last night.  Time is going by quickly enough as it is, I don't need to be rushing things.

Today (and yesterday) I went out with hopes of getting a jump on Christmas shopping.  I discovered that I genuinely DISLIKE holiday shopping.  Now that the kids are older, they ask for very expensive gifts and because I like them to have more than one item to open, I find myself spending even more money!  This is RIDICULOUS!!!   I snapped majorly at Tessa today when she put her finger on a picture of Uggs and when I told her that I would not buy her the lighter pair, she said, "ohhh, if that's that case, I only want the grey ones."   I freaked.  Two weeks ago, we were at Costco and she was trying on "fake Uggs" and when she tried on the chestnut brown ones, we both agreed they looked good.  So that night, I went home and researched UGgs on line and found a knock-off (from China) that was half price and I snatched up a pair.  They arrived last week.   So when she made that comment, I looked at her and said, "what about the chestnut color?!"and I pointed my finger at the color I had already purchased.  She looked at me as though she just smelled something which was rotting.  I flipped!  I mean, there was no way I was returning the damn boots to Lord knows what company sold them to me in the first place (sometimes those websites are kind of sketchy...I usually just hold my breath and go for it if I feel I am getting a good deal!)

I can't get ahead.  I just can't.  As for Tessa, she is getting what she gets.  If she doesn't want them -- she can just donate them to charity.  I really don't care.  Like I said, I definitely have the Christmas blues.  I literally get stomach aches when I think about shopping.  Working full time doesn't help but even then, I can't stand it!!

High School Reunion -- Yechhh for Sure!

November 27 -- So I dragged myself to my high school reunion tonight.  I am not even admitting to myself how many years it has been since I graduated but suffice it to say that there were  a lot of class photos with people with big hair and large round eyeglasses.

The event was okayyyyyy.  Everyone looked good;  the people I recognized anyway.  There were a few tummy tucks and lip jobs and definitely some boob jobs and one guy grew a foot I swear.  He was the surprise of the night -- skinny in high school, he had filled out and was well over six feet tall.  He looked like he should have been the captain of a yacht or something.  wow.

I could have easily left after a  couple of hours but I "hung on" largely because my Fab 5 members were there and I knew they would dump on me if I left early.  But I drew the line at going out for beers afterward.  No way.  I really hope there are no more reunions for us...I don't think I could bear it.  It's nice, but unbelievably exhausting.

Happy Thanksgiving

November 24 -- Thanksgiving '11 was nice.  It's late, I just drove my parents home, the dinner was great and I am ready for bed.  The kids ran a great race this morning with Brian -- Luke had an amazing run and almost broke 30 minutes.  That's an awesome time for a 4.7 mile race.  And he told me he was slower -- mr college boy who did not tell me the truth!  While Brian and the kids ran the race, Riley and I worked on getting the dinner ready and then we went for a nice long walk by the river with Lily.  It was great to hang out with him;  I feel like I never get one on one time with my kids anymore and i do miss it.

And now, on to tomorrow and my high school reunion.  yechhhh.

Connor Gets HIs Learner's Permit

November 23 -- I don't even know what the date is today;  I have lost track of time.  Truly.  I swear it was just yesterday that Connor celebrated his first Thanksgiving as a six week old baby.  What a cutie he was with his dark uni-brow and deep blue eyes.   I will never forget how we hosted Thanksgiving that year but for some reason, the only people who could come were my mom and dad.  And after they had gone home, and the dishes were washed and put away, we put Luke to bed and I sat down in my comfy nursing chair and fed Connor.  He was a doll, resting quietly in my arms, starting to doze off...and then he turned his head and spit up all over me and the chair.  I remember sitting there for a moment in shock -- it was the first time he had ever spit up -- and I was just amazed at the sheer volume of fluid which came out of that little body.

So that was then and now...today, he got his learner's permit to drive.  Came close to not making it...but somehow he squeaked through with the right number correct on the exam.  Another milestone in his, and our lives.  I know everyone says this but geez, it all just goes by so quickly.

Really Late and Really Tired

November 22 -- I realize I say this a lot but I tend to write this blog late at night before I go to bed.  And yeah, it is really late (the clock on this blog is not accurate -- as I type this it is 11pm) and I am sooooooo tired!   Last night Luke had friends over for a bonfire and they were so loud I couldn't fall asleep till they all left at midnight.  Ughhh.  (Because I was up and at 'em by 5:30am.

A half day of school tomorrow and then off to get Connor his permit.  ohh lala.  can't wait...not.

Getting Ready for Thanksgiving

November 21 -- Today...after I got home from work and after Brian finally got home, we took off for Costco to get things for Thanksgiving dinner. As I picked cheeses and dips and crackers and pies for the meal, I noticed that I was becoming increasingly anxious.  First of all, it's a ton of food, as always.  But as I was heading up and down the aisles, I could feel the beginning twitch of the hostess stomach ache, the one you get when you start assessing the mental list in your head, the horribly long list of all of the things that have to be done between now and Thursday afternoon when all of the dinner guests arrive.

Faced with a full time job for the first time in years, I was quietly panicking about not having enough time to get everything done.

I am well aware that those fears are total hogwash.  I will get it done.  It's just that I will be up later or will cut a few things off of the menu or my house won't be as clean or maybe I will do one or two less vases of fresh flowers.  Really?  The idea of this holiday is to celebrate with family to be with friends and loved ones and to truly appreciate whatever joy we can find in our lives -- even when things seem most bleak.

I will never forget the Thanksgiving we had when Brianna was in the hospital.  I took Luke to the road race to watch Brian run.  After the race, we lost Brian.  I couldn't find him anywhere and Luke, who was only 18 months old, started to cry.  And I started to cry.  And finally, one of Brian's rugby friends came over and took me by the arm and showed me where Brian was hanging out with his friends -- looking for me.  I was so grateful for his kindness, I will never forget it.

Later that afternoon, with Luke napping at my sister's, Brian and I went to the hospital and held our little baby girl.  Brian hung his race number on her isolette;  it was  huge next to the tiny sign which told everyone her name and birth date.  Holding her that Thanksgiving day was a miracle -- we only got to hold her three times before she died.  I can still feel her tiny, tiny body against my chest, her heart beating against mine.  And even though I was so sad, so envious of all of my friends who had healthy full-term babies, I accepted that moment as my Thanksgiving gift.  My moment of love with my little girl.  And later on that evening while we sat at the Thanksgiving dinner table at my sister's home, surrounded by our family, I shared the wonderful experience of holding Brianna and in that moment, I was truly the happiest mom in the world.

She died in my arms only four weeks later.

When I think about how we got through that Thanksgiving...and the year(s) that followed...I know that what helped us get through the sadness of Brianna's death was looking grief in the face, accepting it as part of life, embracing the love which surrounded us and moving on...one day at a time.

So when I consider the challenge of this Thanksgiving?  Working full time and organizing a family meal?  It's a joy.  An absolute joy.  haha.  Bring it on.

Sat and Sunday Entry

November 19 & 20 -- I was not anywhere near a computer last night and by the time we got into our hotel room, it was wayyyy past midnight so I have to do a combo entry for today.   Not much of an entry though because I am really exhausted (it's nearly 11pm) and...based on how late I went to bed last night and how early I have to get up tomorrow morning to go to work, I don't want to expound on any bizarre subject (and there are many right now!) in this blog.  Suffice it to say we had an amazing time at my sister in law's gala for her organization helping people of all ages with special needs.

It was truly inspirational evening which exemplified, yet again, how much people can accomplish when they are passionate about their goals.

Speaking of being passionate about goals -- I am meeting with my boss tomorrow to discuss the pre-observation sheet I just labored over for the last hour.  I am being observed formally on Tuesday -- first time this year.  My greatest fear is that the kids will be duds but...knowing that class...I think they will be fine.  I pray they will anyway!  I absolutely love the lesson/poem I am doing with them!!!  (that helps I think!!)

Luke Comes Home for THanksgiving

November 18 -- We went out tonight and picked up Luke for Thanksgiving break.  Lucky them, they get the whole week off.  I am jealous for sure!  When he came out to the car it was like he hadn't aged at all.  Not physically anyway.  He just looks so young!  (Gets that from his dad but then...midlife...the age thing catches up.  I'm just sayin'!)

One of Luke's friends caught a ride home with us.  He was really nice and when we talked about school he told us he was a little bit of genius.  Huh?!!!  He said it so casually I thought I didn't hear him right.  But then he went on to talk about how both of his parents have genius minds.  And how his sister is in medical school.  His mom, apparently, is a general practitioner.  His dad is a computer programmer.  I didn't really know what to say so I just turned back around and stared at the road ahead for awhile.  Alas, my kids don't have genius parents.   Sigh.

But...we love 'em and I guess, no, I know that is what is most important.  We can't all be geniuses in this world.  A few of us have to make up the middle part.    I don't know.  Sounds good to me.   I'm too tired to be a genius anyway.

More Conferences

November 17 -- I am so sick of all the assemblies and invasive items (like our new self-esteem PRide Time program ) which takes away class time.  Today it was the Veterans Day assembly (re-scheduled because of the storm) which made our class time tiny, tiny, tiny.  I am getting nothing done in my classes!  And then after school I went to go watch the student play (some of my students were wonderful!!) and then I brought Riley home from Lego Robotics (He and I are luvin it -- so cool and challenging!!!) and had a two minute peanut butter and honey sandwich while I simultaneously had to TRY and make my kids feel better about their fave cousins not coming for Thanksgiving (I cried on my way back to the high school) and then it was back to the classroom for nearly three hours of conferences.  (I fit extra people before conferences started and afterward.)

But when I was done -- I felt great.  These kids -- overall -- are awesome.  I think their parents are too.  I hope they got good information about their sons and daughters -- I never know if I am telling them the right stuff.  (Having been on the other end, I am highly critical of what I say!)

But now, conferences are done, thank God!   Tomorrow is Friday and then we go to pick up Luke -- hooray.  But now we have to think about what to do over Thanksgiving break.  We are so used to the high we get from the family being here, we feel lost and forlorn, like having a space made by a wide gaping tooth that has fallen out and is not growing back.  I realize that sounds melodramatic, but the way I feel right now -- exhausted -- I get to be melodramatic.

Tired...

November 16 --  I know this entry is boring but my life certainly isn't.  Long day at work, correcting and planning...and then Riley's conferences and tomorrow, conferences for my students.  I am exhausted.   I've got nothing.

Taking TV for Granted

 November 15 -- I am not a big television fan.  Sometimes, when I hear the kids listening to a show in the other room I just cringe.  But I am thinking about something my mom told me tonight when I called her to see how she and my dad were doing.

She told me that something was wrong with her tv and it wasn't working.  She wasn't sure if my dad touched something but she talked to the cable company yesterday and again today when they called to re-schedule the repair appointment.  My mother doesn't watch a lot of tv but my father does.  At night, when the dishes are washed, he goes downstairs to watch tv and my mother spends some time by herself reading...until he calls her down to watch a movie or whatever is on that evening.  Without television, my mother has basically nothing to entertain my dad with.  His Alzheimer's has left him with minimal capacity to read.  So unless she sings songs with him or plays a very basic card game, there isn't a whole lot she can do with him to give herself a break.

After I hung up the phone I sat still for a few minutes and absorbed the ramifications of a simple television breakdown for a woman caring for her husband whose only form of entertainment is watching movies.  It was kind of wild to think of how much that simple piece of technology does for my mother and dad.  For her sake, I hope it gets fixed tomorrow.

I am NOT a Doormat

November 14 -- Yesterday I was practically in tears while I was doing my lesson plans.  Long story short, I had a bunch of seniors skip class last Thursday because it became an impromptu senior skip day  when the superintendent, in his infinite wisdom, changed the day from a scheduled day off to a school day to make up one of the six snow days we incurred during the recent snow storm.  But, even though he was changing a vacation day to a school day, he told parents that if kids missed school (presuming there might be pre-scheduled vacations since the day was originally scheduled as a day off) they would not be penalized.  So our industrious teens decided it was a perfect day to play hookey.  Why not? -- they wouldn't be penalized!  Ugghhh..

 I had only  half of my Great Books, Great Films students -- seniors --in class on Thursday with a paper due.    So I was really upset planning today's lesson because I KNEW those kids who missed last week's class would not have their papers today.  I knew that they would breach our contract, would assume I would let them hand it in tomorrow.  Except I didn't.  I had already moved their deadline from last Tuesday to Thursday.  (I don't think they were thinking about a skip day when they begged me to move the deadline the first time.  And, listening to their pleas about downed wires and broken internet connections, I consented to move the due date to Thursday.)  But today was MOnday.  Lots of time for them to finish their papers.

And when they came to class.  All SEVEN kids did not have their papers.  I was so sad.  I know they thought I would change my mind...

Bud I didn't.  I told them that I was many things -- positive and negative -- but one of them was not a doormat.  They were NOT going to walk all over me.  (And they tried;  they tried.)  I said that if they got me their papers today I would give them credit.  But one second past midnight and it was a zero.  My stomach was in knots all day. These kids are practically ADULTS.  But they still think like babies.  It's all about the fun, fun, fun.   I kept asking myself, did I not reach them with my inspirational (ha), heated conversation about the importance of honoring a verbal contract?!  With my persuasive metaphor about  how their commitment to a verbal contract (especially when nobody was looking) was a sign of character (or lack thereof.)  I was really proud of myself for being strict.  But wary.  After all, these are teenage boys (and one girl) for God's sake.  What did they really hear?

During the day, one student (the girl) brought me her paper, finished during a study hall at computer lab. One kid.  That was all.

After school, I came back from my staff meeting hoping to find some papers on my chair.  There were none.  I was so dejected.  After a half hour or so of walking around the empty hallways, shoulders slumped in despair, I finally squared them once again, determined to shrug it off.  What else could I do?  At least there were half of the kids who actually did the paper.  Cheers for them.  (truly)

And then tonight, I got the emails. The papers were coming!!!!   Four of them so far.  Hooray.  At least there is hope.   So I will take that to the bank.  For now.  Because "now" is all I have.

As I am reflecting about all of this I am thinking that it might be just a little scary to see how much I care about all of this.  yipes...

And the Weekend Ends...

November 13 -- Sunday is over and I still feel like I could have worked for several more hours getting plans ready for this week.  I asked Brian, "why is it that lesson plans take so long?"  I just feel like it takes forever to make sure everything works -- to make sure I have enough time, enough interesting ways to present the material, to make sure I even know what I am teaching, before I close the books and start my week with the kids.

This is the first full week we have had in ages and, quite frankly, it's going to be a weird one with Thanksgiving break looming next week.   It's going to be interesting to see how the kids behave -- especially my seniors.  I am so annoyed with them right now.  Some of those kids are such babies when it comes to doing work -- if it's a smidge "boring" or difficult, they give up and don't do the work.  Yeah.  Future adults of America.  Living off of Mommy and Daddy because they don't have the independent work ethic to do all of the work -- the fun stuff and the boring stuff.

I just think about their lives ahead and can only hope -- for their sake -- that they grow up.  And soon.

Christmas Decorations UP Already!!!

November 12 -- Ya know I am insane when I put my Christmas decorations up in early November.  Okay. MID- November.  But alas, that's what I am doing right now.  What the hell, I can't wait forever and really?  I have no idea when or if I will have time.  so I am creeping the decorations in whenever I have a free minute or two.  Today, I put the finishing touches on the mantel in the family room.  Tomorrow I hope to get the stair railings done with the garland. I am so FREAKED about working full time and not getting stuff done and getting stressed out that I am very focused on getting it done early.  (It will come down early too, mark my word!)

I feel weird.  But there is a very strong part of me that is pumped.  I will NOT be stressed about this stuff!  Because ya know what?  WHen the chips are down...it's just stuff.

Now on to buying gifts.  Ugghhhh!!

Penn State and The Crucible

November 11th -- I can't WAIT to start The Crucible with my American Lit students.  With this Penn State situation and even the Cain drama, there is no lack of modern day witch hunts going on to connect to the play which was based on both the Salem witch trials and the McCarthy Communist hearings.   Based on all of the information I am reading however, it seems like the modern day witch hunts are merited.  Paterno and his cronies deserve to be emasculated for their ignorance and stupidity and testosterone filled arrogance.    Cain deserves to be outed as a liar and a power monger who preyed on innocent victims/women.

But as I write those words...I am thinking about The Crucible and the lives those lying girls destroyed -- literally -- during the Salem witch hunt trials.  It's weird.  When do we go crazy and clean house, and when are we going overboard? (Of course there is the million dollar question:  who is lying????!)   I would say that religion and politics shows the answer...the black and white laws of Puritanism created a hotbed of controversy.  There was such a rigid set of laws, with all of man's human imperfections, it was impossible to abide by all of the Puritan standards and come out clean.  But what we have today -- complete religious freedom and religious interpretation combined with the proliferation of abusive power mongers -- isn't creating such a great, morally upright world either, is it?  It's going from one extreme to the other.

Something to think about  anyway.  In the meantime, I am PUMPED about having so much modern day drama to connect to Arthur Miller's infamous play.  Amazing.  The kids are going to have a field day, I know.  Woo hoo, bring it on!

Luke and Parenting

November 10 -- Tonight I had the longest phone conversation with my son -- over an hour.  I think that's the longest conversation ever.  And to think he is my husband's son.  (When we dated long distance, phone conversations were excruciatingly sparse.)

Luke is having a tough time.  On one hand, things are going great.  He likes his roommate, likes crew, likes his courses okay, is excited for his new job in the research lab, but school is difficult.  As an engineering student, he is taking some of the most difficult courses out there.  So he studies -- harder than he has ever studied before -- and is pulling low C's.  This is completely new for him.  He barely studied in high school and still managed A's and B's.  And because he is in the honors program, he feels like he is surrounded by kids who are excelling.  But I bet that is not true.  I am sure there are many kids who are dealing with tough courses.

My heart goes out to him.  I wish I could solve his frustration with himself.  But this is something he has to figure out on his own.  Even picking courses.  APparently is advisor is just okayy and is not giving him a lot of direction.  He can't get into one of the courses she told him to take and now he only has four courses.  (but 15 credits)  I am so confused about how many credits/courses he needs to take.  I told him to go to the honors office and see if someone there can help him.  He told me he was already planning to do that.  I hope so.

This is the hard part about parenting.  Letting go and hoping for the best.  Ugh.

Parent Conferences

November 9 -- I had parent conferences tonight -- my first at the high school.  They went fine, I think.  It's kind of weird.  You tell parents a few things and then you wonder, what are they thinking?  Do they need more information?  What else do I say?  I have never been at a loss for things to say so that usually isn't an issue but I still wonder to myself, what do I say now?  Am I saying the right thing?  yipes.

And the other thing is that the majority of parents who come for conferences are usually the parents of kids who are doing really well.  So after telling them how great their kid is (and yeah, their kid is really great!), and then commenting on the writing, the reading ability...it's like okay, we are good here, yes?  I really have an interesting insight into how teachers probably viewed me and Brian last year when we went to Luke's teachers.  They were probably like, what?  What can you do -- the kid is out of here in a few months!  Whatever.  I still like to get a vibe on the teachers and see how they feel about my kid.

What is Fear?

November 8 -- Today, I showed my students a video clip about texting and driving.  Before I showed them the clip, we talked about the allure of scary movies.  I asked them why people liked to watch scary movies (I don't).  Some kids talked about the adrenaline rush.  Others talked about how, when watching a scary movie, you feel good knowing it is not happening to you.  We talked about how producers use fear to teach us lessons (like don't look behind the creaky door in the dark, empty house...especially if you hear a chain saw humming.)

And then I showed them the video.  It's an amazing video about real life experiences connected with texting and driving.  The kids stared at the screen, mesmerized.  Afterward, we talked about it.  They agreed that the fear they felt was actually quite powerful.  Whether it had an impact on them, I don't know. But I have to say, it was fascinating to see them glued to the screen.

My friend Liz is in a situation at work where she hates her job.  Has talked about wanting to leave for ages.  But fear is holding her back.  Women stay in abusive homes because they don't know what any other life is like.  They can't step out into the unknown.  In these cases, fear can be extremely harmful.  I think the beauty of fear is that it plays a number of different roles, some positive and some negative.  Like when it protects us;  when it teaches us to do things which keep us healthy.  But, like a knife, it can go the opposite way.  It can hold us fast in a situation that is extremely unhealthy.  It's up to us to decide whether the fear is our friend or our foe.  And yeah, that's certainly the hard part.  As Liz says, after awhile, the binky just no longer pacifies...it starts to smell.  I guess that's a pretty good time to abandon the ship.  To head out for parts unknown.  (which is no small feat.)  And that's where the other life tool steps in.  That's when "faith" keeps us moving toward safer ground.  To a place of growth and strength and good health.  Faith vs. Fear.  hmmmm.  Sounds like a huge conflict to me.  A lifelong one for most of us.  Oh well.  I guess it's part of the movie -- our life movie -- that keeps us glued to the screen eh?

Can't even imagine how it all turns out.  Stay tuned.

Back To the Blog

November 7 -- It's hard to believe that today is Monday, 10 days after my last entry.  Back in January, I said I would write every day.  I missed a few but not 10 days in a row.  However, this past week taught me something that writing a blog on a computer could never do.  Nature always has the last move.  And Nature moved for sure -- the storm that blew into our region last Saturday knocked out more than just electricity -- it knocked out our confidence that we can control all.

As far as I am concerned, that's not such a terrible lesson to learn.  It really underscored the importance of electricity -- probably the best invention known to man-kind.  Face it.  Without electricity, the computer world is ultimately reduced to nothing.   Something to think about anyway.  (as I write this blog haha.)

Finally Friday

October 28 -- And the week is over.  I have no clue and yet I have many clues why this week dragged on.  One is that I am completely exhausted and overwhelmed.  Last week I loved teaching, this week not so much.  As my last period class left today,  it was all I could do to keep my head up. (I didn't.  I actually laid it down on the desktop.)  It was grammar day today and teaching linking verbs and helping verbs and action verbs just is hard and exhausting.

And the kids just wanted to go home.

And so did I.

Why am I doing this again?  Somebody tell me why I left my nice little part time, somewhat mindless job for this teaching position?  Why???  I feel like I am so much slower than my peers.  but today after school I was talking to a middle school teacher whose daughter is at our high school.  She made a comment about how her daughter was frustrated in her level 2 class last year because all the kids talked and the teacher couldn't keep them quiet.  And I thought to myself, well, that's something because I have all Level 2 kids and if there is one thing I do is keep them quiet.  For the most part anyway.  And we do have debates as well.  Good ones.  When I mentioned this to the teacher she tapped me on the arm and said, "now there.  You do something right.  Go home."

And so I did.

Shout out to my mom and dad who celebrated their 63rd wedding anniversary.  63 years.  Geesh.

Will this Week Ever End?!!

October 27 -- And so we end Thursday of the week that lasted forever.  I have no idea why but this week is moving by soooooo slowly.  I just said to Brian, " oh last week I moved this student..." and then I thought about it for a second and realized that noooo, it wasn't last week, it was on Tuesday.  Only two days ago.  ughh..

Last week I loved my job teaching, this week not so much.  It's hard to pinpoint why exactly,  the weather, the time of the year, getting up in the dark and LEAVING in the dark to go to work isn't a great mood enhancer, I have to say.  But the kids seem off this week and I know I am stressed out about some upcoming things I am teaching.  I feel like there is no time to prep the larger books etc.  How do I have time to read them in advance if I am correcting papers and trying to stay on top of my daily lessons that i have to do right now.

The students are getting too comfortable with me right now.  And I am worried most about pace.  I feel like I am going so slowly but...I know they are totally learning the material.  And they are definitely not bored.  So isn't that the most important part of the game?  That they are learning and analyzing and using critical thinking skills and are becoming better writers too?  Still, I wonder about my speed.  Maybe, like a running race, I can start going faster as they get stronger in the classroom.  That's my plan anyway.

Dentist Visit Gone Bad

October 26 -- Today was the date for my return visit to the dentist after my last horrible visit when I learned I had three freakin' cavities.  I go my whole childhood and adult life with only a few cavities and now I had three?!   I was not happy about this visit and, considering the day (week/last couple of weeks) I had, I was not in the mood for dental torture.  Little did I know...

As I sat in the chair (okay, as I tilted backwards and stared at the picture on the ceiling) I was completely freaked by what happened after the dentist injected the pain medication into my gums.  When I looked at the light on the left, I was fine.  But as I shifted my gaze to look at the picture posted on the ceiling toward my right, I panicked.  Nothing was coming into focus!  Everything toward my right side was double.  The doctor put his face toward mine and I grimaced.  There were two of him.  I kept saying, "I am not crazy! What happened?!"  The doctor shook his head and was like, " this is has never happened to me before.  I don't know what is wrong."  But I knew something was screwed up.  My heart was racing and I was flipping out.  How was I supposed to drive home?  Riley was with me.  Why could I see perfectly fine if I turned to the left but wanted to vomit from nausea when I looked toward the right?  If I covered one eye at a time, I was fine but with both open, I was a helpless cause.  I said to the nurse, "it has to be the novacaine;  it had to have hit some nerve connected to my eye.  I was like, isn't there the sinus cavity around there?!"   She just kept shaking her head and patting my arm.

I wanted to get up and leave.  But, naturally, I couldn't.  Slowly, slowly, it got better, and finally, after about ten minutes, my vision came back to normal, thank God.  At that point, the doctor came back into the room.  He had called a friend -- an oral surgeon -- who assured him that it does happen if you shoot a novacaine up into the region near the wisdom tooth.  (which was where it was.)  Apparently there is  a nerve that with women, is closer to the gum line.  The doctor assured my doc who assured me that all would be fine.  I guess so, (and I was much relieved when my nerve theory was proven correct) but the psychological damage was done.  This makes the third (and completely freakiest) awful experience I have had with the dentist office during my lifetime. (never mind all of the smaller episodes interspersed throughout the years.)   I think maybe in a past life, I murdered a dentist and this life is all about karmic kickback.  Geesh, I don't know.  One would think that at this point, I certainly have paid my debt, haven't I?!   One (which would be me, of course) can only hope.

Girl Drama

October 25 -- I can't believe how different girls are from boys when it comes to dramatizing life experiences. When I watch Tessa integrate into the high school scene and I hear her comments about the girls on the cross country team and I read their comments on Facebook (Tessa showed me; I do not have a facebook page...) I am just awed by how different girls process things vs. boys.  It's like we females have to chew our food fifty thousand times before we can let it go.  Every aspect about one little annoyance is analyzed and broadcasted on Facebook and Twitter and what have you and then it is commented upon by other females and so on and so forth until you just want to stick a pin in your eye.

So Tessa pushed herself and ran faster than the other girls in practice yesterday.  Which basically came from her ambition -- she wants to run faster in the race on Saturday... which meant working harder during practice.  Which then led to a battle between Tessa and another girl who wanted Tessa to ease up during practice and stay back with the other girls and to "not be competitive."  What?!!!  It's a sports team for God's sake.  Is Tessa ballsy about her desire to be faster?  More than likely -- she is fiercely competitive.  But to turn it into a public website drama?  Really?

I guess I might have understood this battle way back.  In many ways, we female moms still have the occasional drama.  But I just feel that with the public sites -- this airing of female dramas has reached a new level of pettiness.  And it is certainly a waste of energy.  As for Tessa?  I hope all of this brouhaha does what it should do for her -- inspire her to be even faster in her race on Saturday.  (Now who is being competitive on a public site?!  Yes...that would be me.  What can I say?  The nut doesn't fall far from the tree. :)

The Birds

October 26 -- I am watching The Birds in my Great Films Great Books class.  Ughhh.  I do not like scary movies and I am totally freaked about the possibility of screaming in front of my kids.  A few of them have already seen it and apparently think that it is "no big deal."  I, however, am terrified.  When I was a little kid, I watched the movie with my sister and brothers.  It was awful.  I had nightmares for weeks.    But now that I am an adult, I am hoping it won't be as bad.  I am previewing it at home right now...Tippi Hedron (sp?!) just got bit by the seagull.  It's actually kind of funny at the moment.  But I know it will only get worse...all those sweet people living in Bodega Bay.  Yipes.

Sunday Blues

October 23 -- It is after 9pm on Sunday night and I am just finishing up my lesson plans for the week with a list of things I still have to do when I get to school.  Poor Brian -- I am just not here for him anymore.  I mean, I am but...I am very focused on getting the week organized and once I get into it...I just lose all touch with anyone in the house!  I told Brian though...I am thinking that next year it won't be as bad on Sundays because I will have many lesson plans and handouts and stuff, already done.  I hope so anyway because I am exhausted and the work week hasn't even started!

Fun Times With Friends

October 22 -- Got together tonight with a group of friends I haven't seen in a long time -- even though it is late and we have to get up early for Brianna's 7:30am mass tomorrow,  we had a lot of fun with a lot of laughs.  In the long run, even though I am sure I will feel lousy tomorrow, it was worth it.  From my perspective, life is difficult.  Friendship and laughter help make it easier, for sure.

Book Club

October 22 -- Tonight was book club meeting with the girls.  I really enjoy the members of this book club.  we talk about other things but we talk about the book too.  Usually anyway!  Our book for this meeting was Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand.  It was totally awesome.  (The book and the meeting.)  One of our better discussions I think.  There was just so much to talk about .

And then I came home (late) expecting a quiet house.  But Brian was still up working.  It's nearly midnight and I don't know when he will be done.  I worry about him.  Between helping me run the kids around (and he has taken over a huge share of that responsibility) and keeping two jobs afloat, I just wonder how far he can go.  But then again, this is a guy who has run marathons.  A guy who gets up early, brings me a coffee and then goes out for an early morning run in the dark.  I guess there is a lot more endurance to him than that which meets the eye.  Maybe a little like Louis Samperini.  haha.

National Writing Day

October 20 -- Today was National Writing Day.  I was wondering to myself if I had the kids in my classes do any writing.  Actually no.  We did more speaking with our Philosophical Chair debates.  But I guess we did a little writing too.  I wrote.  Yes.  I wrote a nice email to Brian with a list of items to talk to the well people about when they came over and tried to repair the damage from the defective filtration unit.  I added some nicer, more personal things to the note too -- I really laid on the schmalz.  It occurred to me though, as I thanked him profusely for being flexible with work and staying home while they came to the house that I had played that role for the last 15 years.

Oh well.  The well is fixed, for now.  We apparently have to "wait and watch" and see what happens to the appliances.  Truly.  This all sucks.  I realize it's not like getting chased into a sewer pipe, pulled out and killed (re. Ghadafi) but still...it's all relative.  It's not like I murdered thousands of innocent people to satisfy my egotistic need for power.  (karma is a bitch sometimes.)  So yeah, in my little world, dealing with the stupid, annoying and potentially very expensive ramifications of a defective filtration unit installed in my home deserves my frustration and anger.   Oh well.  One day at at time.

The Well Saga Continues

October 19 -- Perfect Peter's Birthday.    He is getting old too -- woo hoo.

Anyway, in honor of my brother's birthday, our well got majorly f'd up today by the well guys.  Apparently, they installed a new filtration unit and holding tank as the part two installation of this "fix the well process."  When Brian arrived home an hour after they left, there was no water.  He called immediately and that's when all hell broke loose.  Apparently, one half hour after they completed our job and went to their next one, the installers got a call from the well company owner, freaking out.  They had installed a defective product in our house.  I guess they got a shipment from the manufacter that had a defect.  Somebody didn't put in the right o-ring or whatever and the installation system was now spewing tiny plastic particles into our entire water system for the house.  And everything was blocked. Toilets, faucets, heating, appliances, you name it.  Our filters are blocked by these plastic particles.  Which, btw, blasted out of the faucets and were all over our counters and floor in the kitchen.

Un'f'ing believable.

Showers tonight at the gym -- thank God for that membership.  Creek water in the toilets for flushing (but omg they are totally filthy from all the junk that passed through the system.)  Bottled water by all of the sinks for hand washing and drinking.   Brian and I are in a panic about the damage -- our refrigerator alone is quite expensive, never mind all the other appliances...ughhh.  The owner of the well company assured me tonight he would take care of us -- that the manufacturer who he bought the systems from is going to pay for everything.  (I guess he had already installed three of the systems before they realized the error.)  But it's the hassle of it all.  when I consider the damage we incurred this past winter and now this...I just can't help but wonder what the hell is going on.  The owner of the well company said in all of his 30 years running the company, he never had anything like this happen to a client.  huh.  Go figure.

They Read this Blog in Russia?!

October 18 -- Lately,  I have been getting a lot of hits from readers in Russia.  Or one reader who is hitting the blog several times -- it's impossible to tell.  I mean, let's be serious here, it's not like I am getting a TON of hits but certainly more than average from one country.  To which I say -- cool!!  But my next question is, really?  I mean is there really someone in Russia who can read English and...I don't know, cares about what is going on in a small town in the USA with an aging woman who made a dopey goal to write in her blog every day?  (And eat chocolate and drink wine -- both items checked off my list for today as I sit here and write this entry.)

My name is actually Russian -- Tania.  When my mom, who is from Germany, picked out the name for me, my dad, who is from Poland, got really mad at her.  He hated Russia for what they did to Poland.  His father was killed by Russian soldiers who invaded Poland and attacked and killed when they were supposed to be aiding the Poles.  He was an anti-communist and wanted nothing to do with the country.  My mother, however, just liked the name.  She didn't really care about the politics.  After all, they were living in a new country and were starting their dream life living in a home they owned and working at a steady job with health insurance and, most importantly, living each day without the fear of being bombed in the middle of the night and losing everything.  Funny thing is that when my mom was pregnant with me, my dad was busy building our house.  His dream house.  For his family.  And when I say he built it, I mean that literally.  He would leave his job as a machinist at 4pm and would head over to the house and work until midnight.   So the battle over my name became lost in the drama of the housebuilding effort.

Personally, I am okay with it.  Time has passed and I do not share my father's issue with Russians.  And now that he is battling dementia, I don't think he cares anymore either.   But I digress.  Suffice it to say that this World Wide Web is certainly a great way to unite people.  I guess.  Jury is still out on that one...

Monday Monday

October 17th -- Needless to say, today is Monday.  Haha.  I am feeling particularly punchy tonight because I corrected the verb grammar quizzes in four of my classes and the top average was in the junior class with a 65%.  Two freshmen classes followed at 62% and the other freshman class was even lower.  But it's a starting point of sorts -- the first real assessment of how they are doing with identifying verbs in a sentence. And why, I ask myself, is this important?  Well, I answer (because I am clearly talking to myself here) this is how one becomes a better writer.  For example if one writes a sentence with more than one verb, it's important to keep them in the same tense.  If I don't know which one of them are verbs, how do I do that?

Heavy stuff for a MOnday.  But I came up with a brilliant way to teach them how to id a verb in a sentence.  Without getting into gerunds etc.  ughhhh.  Now I have to teach this method.  Let's see how that goes.  Fortunately though...I have a few days to prepare.  Grammar day is Friday -- woo hoo.

On Reflection...

October 16 -- Today was a day filled with anxiety and then...work completed.  I always feel really anxious on Sundays now because I need to prepare for my week's worth of lessons and...well, I get nervous because I know I have a lot to do and I want to do the best job I can.  And at the same time, I am resentful because I miss my Sundays where the only thing I had to worry about was thinking about whether or not the house was clean and if the kids had their clothes and homework ready for Monday.  Monday was always the breather day, the moment when everyone left for work and school and once again...it would be quiet in the house.  Blessed, total quiet.

But those days are over, replaced with the chaos of a work week that, for me, begins on Sunday and even, (as in this weekend) on Saturday.  It's hard to motivate myself when it is a "day of rest."  But I have to admit that the feeling I have right now -- of pushing myself and actually having some creative breakthroughs with lesson plans is unbelievably rewarding.  I do feel that I won't be teaching forever, that my life will take me down yet another path or two.  That is my prayer anyway.  So I firmly believe that the mental muscles I am exercising right now are preparing me for the next challenge which comes my way -- I am developing the tenacity and commitment I need right now, coupled with the feeling of satisfaction that I stuck to my goal even though it would have been way easier to curl up in bed with a good book!

So excited for Philosopher's Chairs and Socratic Circles!   Seriously, I love how this all came about -- learned about them briefly during an "off the cuff" conversation during professional development last week, and then as I was putting together plans I remembered them and googled them and omg they are awesome!!! What a great way to structure my class and incorporate poetry and critical thinking and literature and public speaking -- bam!  (as my Lukie would say...)

Talked to him today.  He is driving me a bit wild these days...I can sense he is changing but I don't have my finger on it.  I pray it's for the good; he says he is committed to doing well but has already slipped in Calc...ughhhhh.  What really kills me is watching my hard earned paycheck go straight to his school.  And so I told him, he is my "human investment" but also my financial one.  He better suck it up and do better.  He swears he is.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, I pray and hope for the best.

Sunshine ...or Not

October 15 --  The sun was out today, for awhile anyway.  I cannot believe how much rain we have gotten this fall and from what I hear, even more is on the way for next week.  Truly, it is almost eerie when the sun does finally come out.  And then, today, all of a sudden, it started to rain again.  Weird.   It just seems unnerving because a lot of the fall hallmarks -- bright blue skies, crisp cool days, bright orange, yellow and red leaves silhouetted against the sky -- are basically not happening this year.  In fact, many of the leaves are down without having turned any color at all.  The rain has just blasted through the trees and ripped the leaves off of the branches.

Even the days are shorter because it gets dark earlier when there is no sunset.  Truly, I feel like I am in Seattle.  But who knows, maybe even there they get more sun than we are getting.   Seriously, it really is awful.  Cannot imagine what winter will bring.

A Date With my Boyfriend...ha

October 14 -- Because Connor's birthday falls on my and Brian's wedding anniversary, we kind of get gypped in the celebration department.  Our day pretty much includes a quick kiss in the am and the cards we buy each other (and Brian always gets me  flowers) and some cards from the kids.   After that, it's all about Connor and his birthday.   So tonight I told Brian we should go out for dinner.  And we did.

We ended up at a Thai restaurant where we talked about stuff...sometimes I feel like we are so crazed we can barely finish sentences, so it was nice to actually have like, a conversation.    What I liked most about tonight was watching other couples at the restaurant.   There were young couples and older couples, and one couple who was older (like, our age) but definitely dating.  It took me a while to figure it out but as I watched them, I realized they weren't married.  They couldn't be -- the woman kept smiling at him all night.  I was thinking, really?  Who smiles at their husband for an entire dinner?!  And I mean all night long this chick was doing the "I think you're sooooo awesome" grin.   Non-stop, ear to ear.   No way were they married.  Sure enough, as we are leaving I hear him talking about biking and he goes, "you should try biking sometime," and she goes, "Oh, I would love to!"  (Gag me -- it was a total dating "come on" response.)   I guess it's mean of me to say "gag me" but I always worry when I hear one of the daters gush a little too much.  Ughhh.  Did I do that?  I don't know, maybe I did.  It was just so freakin' long ago, I can't remember!!

At least we talked all dinner long.  I hope we are never a silent couple.  Although,  if I had to be perfectly honest and reflective here,  I am not sure being quiet is a characteristic that's floating around in my gene pool.  Brian's maybe...but definitely not mine.

Luke Never Calls...

October 13 -- I cannot stand how Luke never calls us anymore!  I mean, I do understand that he is busy at school but he has a cell phone.  Call on your way to class.  On your way home from eating dinner.  Whatever.  ughhh.  I guess it's a good thing he is so busy and having a good time.  but he couldn't even call  on our anniversary?  on his brother's 16th birthday?  Geesh.

Brian sent him an email telling him to touch base.  He said he had been really busy the last few nights and that tonight -- he didn't have too much going on.  That he would call tonight.   But he didn't.

ughhh.  

Well, well, well...is Broken

October 12 -- So we are dealing with our first major house issue since I started back at work full time.  And I am happy to report (this part anyway) that Brian was amazing with his flexibility and "take charge" attitude.

This morning, I went to turn on the faucet to wash my hands and face and...no water.  Nothing.  Not a drop.  Turns out the well pump is fried, the wires torqued, and the holding tank is shot.  Kah-ching, kah-ching!   And the worst part is that replacement work won't be completed until next week!  Apparently, we can circumvent the holding tank to do laundry, shower etc., but the water has to clear of sediment before we can hook it up and...well...let's just say it's times like these that I am really grateful for the shower at my gym.

Early to Bed...

October 11 -- I keep writing "September" in the date part of this blog.  I guess September really did fly by. And now we are almost half way into October.  Geesh.  Today was a professional development day at school.  It was okay.  If nothing else, I felt like our department developed a vibe of camaraderie as we struggled through the new grammar curriculum.

But I did zero correcting.  I did, however, get some of my photocopies done for the week and I did get my grammar quiz fixed.  I just can't shake this feeling like I am "faking" it.  When I was a little kid, we used to play school and I would pretend I was the teacher, making my little brother and our next door neighbor fill out all these worksheets.  Is that who I am today?  A con artist?

One thing I have to keep reminding myself is that it is dangerous to compare myself to the seasoned teachers on staff and in the informative articles the administration keeps handing out to us.  These are teachers with years of experience.  So I plug away...telling myself that even though I am new and not "seasoned", I am still helping the kids learn.  I hope so anyway.

And now off to bed.  I am beat.  And tomorrow, I have more quizzes coming in -- short formative ones but still...more correcting.  (And I haven't even finished the old ones yet!  Yipes.)

So Much Correcting...

October 10 --  the three day weekend has come to an end and even though I feel like I made a substantial dent in my correcting pile...there is still so much more to do!  And some doozy exams as well.  And I just finished my plans and after a few days this week I will have even more to correct.  And tomorrow I have to spend the day in professional development, learning how to teach grammar and listening to teachers complain and ...  all I want to do is finish this correcting!  And Friday I have to go to a state workshop to learn about ... yup, correcting.

Today, I have a stomach ache about teaching.  I want these kids to learn, to become better writers.  But I am drowning in papers.   Truly.  Right now?  I can barely breathe.  Help!!